the living seed

heys seems like a fast week, but i guess it's just the training schedule that pushes us so much that we dun have any time to think whether it's been fast or not.

hmmm that doesn't make sense.

o wells...hahax i guess we just have to make do with what we have. and yep be optimistic no matter how bad the situation might be!

okay that sounded too happy.

somehow...

i wonder how i'm feeling now.

*asks self*

there are many of such moments around where you become so tired until you don't even know how you're feeling...sheets but i guess that's expected of training here. the "too tired until you cannot think" problem.

anyhow, training's been the usual, lectures and also physical training like fast marches...but i guess what's on most of our minds now is the upcoming section field camp which will be a challenge for all of us. a little worried, but i'm tryin to believe the "if i can do it, so can you" phrase...because i honestly know i'm not mentally and physically strong, so yep...hope is something that drives all men onwards.

and thanks stead! hahax it really made me realli happy to hear your voice...i really do miss maldives a lot, and after all the reminiscence it really made me a little desperate hahax. i still do remember. and i want to continue having that feeling. you're now in our footsteps, so yar try to manage your work well...because in the end i know you guys will do great! "if we already did it, so can you guys!"

*...should we let these truths hinder our faith?*

sacrifice

hiho i'm back! hahax but only for a short while i guess...so suay that i kana regimental guard duty tmr...sheets. but i guess i shall take things one step at a time. *dun worry so much*...*breathe in*...*breathe out*

relax. i'm okie. hahax.

every day back in camp, you really wonder why you're there. what have you done, what's your significance, and whether you deserve to be there. when you look around, people who are true leaders (where you can see that aura emerging from themselves) and with better qualities are plentiful. somehow it is rather pressurising...o wells.

but anyhow, i think in these situations it's best to just be yourself. people tell me that i hafta be mean sometimes, to be in control, but it's hard because i'm not that kinda person who'll naturally be strict or discipline people. i'm not that kinda person who'll turn down requests...that could be my weakness, being too nice to people. somehow, at least in this case, i know who i am. i rather be someone who knows who i am than to fake it...it's hard playing 2 roles at once.

and i miss you guys so much! you just realise how precious time is around here...you dun get to see your friends for 1 month, you just have about 24 hours with your parents, and you really cherish your time at home. even if it means not sleeping and watching them sleep, knowing that they are safe and sound...that feeling is just great. because you realise you have limited time...and when you're in camp you don't know when you're going to be out. that feeling of uncertainty makes you want to maximise every second out of camp. it's a terrible feeling when you want to meet people for so long, and yet...you just can't. friends. family. *sighs*

but on top of all these sacrifices, i guess i shall take things step by step. and always retain that optimism that tmr's going to be a better day! tryin to be happy now (a happy wing is a good wing hahax) and also being myself! it's not easy, and it wouldn't be without troubles and obstacles, but together we'll pull thru!

whoot!

it has been 3 long weeks, and i'm sorry i haven't been able to fill this space, but i'm finally back! *does a wild jingle*

these 3 weeks have taught me how to love, how to miss, and how to endure. seriously. even though it might seem like a short 3 weeks, but being trapped in a confined space is really torturing.

okay, maybe torturing isn't the right word to use.

on the first day of enlistment we were uncertain about the future...i remember some guy telling me..."foxtrot wing? good luck..." i really didn't know what that meant, but it didn't sound good. aniwaes fortunately i had xianlun in the same wing as mi, and keefe too! and also tze yong my nj first 3 months buddy and also my BMTC falcon friend...quite happy to see all of them there. then there was the rank presentation at the parade square where we were given our first white bar and a lanyard (see photos later)...den we had a short tour around the campus before going into our bunks.

as you know we're living in 2 men bunks, and at that moment my buddy wasn't there because he was attending some family function...but was quite scary to be sleeping alone at first. luckily the people beside me were realli nice and yar, we blended in quite okie i guess. after all the days of funny trainings, physical or technical, we really bonded (thru sleeping during lectures and nearly getting screwed) and hahax...it was quite an experience. just felt that everyone over there were future leaders, and have very...i dunno, strong mindsets? which is quite scary...it's not that easy to bond with them, that's how i felt. deep inside there's this feeling lingering that tells me...shucks i'm screwed, how am i to survive this? however, even though they may seem strong and individualistic, they're actualli rather nice ppl (not perverted...okie at least they like girls...hahax) and easy to relate too. it's just that our training is pretty tight and tiring that it drains all our energy.

the bunk's realli nice, and then the food's nice too! prata, lamb chop, satay, curry chicken, watermelon, hokkien mee, fresh toast...it's a pity we only get 15-20mins to eat sometimes. but o wells, most of the time is spent on lessons and waiting. after that, you'll start to miss home food...and then home, and then the close people just beside your home. *sighs* the feeling of seeing your parents after two weeks is just undescribable. i cried to myself while walking down the staircase to meet them at my wing line...definitely an emotional event. even though it was a mere 4 hours, the love i received was just...very heartwarming and i know that i really love them. and i know i love those people around me, lots more than i ever imagined.

but on the whole, i tink i've become a better person after all these days. i know more about myself now and more sure to make decisions. even tho sometimes we'll be undergoing tough times, i know we'll pull thru...hahax tink i sound too optimistic liao. o wells...but i really do miss many people. that's it for now......take care!