smokeout!

*sighs* a new week is starting already...it's a pretty "xianz" feeling when you know you have so much work left in camp and you have so little time to complete, or rather, the work is more or less impossible to complete as it piles up over, and over, and over again.

o wells, a new week signifies one less week in army i suppose? haha...shall try to be optimistic here...

anyway, the past week's been pretty eventful. i guess there are times when you work till you lose yourself in work. that basically explains what i've been going thru this past week. altho i know this week will be no better, another tiring week to the end of this month. it's close to 3 weeks after NDP, but yet i haven't settled some issues about it! ahhh...in really deep shit, but o wells, i'll try to do them to the best of my ability.

last saturday was the appreciation barbecue organised by some of the heartware peeps, and i thought it was pretty fun! definitely i'd have been drained after tuition, but naturally food sparks another fire in me! haha...i can't remember when my last barbecue was already, maybe at least half a year to one year back? i dunno, it sure felt awesome this time round! preparing the fire with eugene and felix really brought back great memories which i used to have with 04sulphate, with xianlun's charcoaled hands and our black faces haha! and you learn that charcoal can be used as an effective tool to scare people too (after i pointed it at someone and the person beside her screamed...i wonder who lar...haha!). after it was all done, then we proceeded on with the food. and the marshmellows. and the satays, chicken wings, fish balls, sausages, crab sticks, pointed sweet potatoes and so many other things...it was basically a feast lar, but didn't eat much because of AHM the next day (will talk more about it later).

at least some of my guys came...alex, rui (i think i've seen him before but don't know where...i mean besides NDP lar), kailong (hmmm you lucky bastard!), yuhang, and thong (the not so lucky bastard haha, and it wasn't me!). i guess we took this time to catch up and ya, talk about our lives and who we think we're going to become next time. i felt pretty happy in the sense that a couple of them shared the same views as me (not that i'm saying the rest didn't, but i just didn't ask you guys), and i felt quite comforted in the sense that i'm not alone. ya but aniwaes, besides that, we had the occasional chasing by candice who i think got burped in the face by nessa (and i have the full footage of this national geographic worth incident! it's named "the harmless predator and the laughing prey"), and also the funny quirks of the little boy who kept changing who we were (i was a sassy neighbour, a skeleton, a thousand dollars, a sotong all at once!). definitely we had a great chat lar, and a really fun time, the company, the food, and definitely the view of the sea. i think someone knows very well that i love the sea a lot, and just sitting by the rocks, hearing the crashing waves is a bliss in disguise. thanks for inviting us yar? altho some of them couldn't turn up, i'm damn sure they appreciated the effort! haha wished i could've spent more time, but ya, sadly i had some running to do the next day. a lot of it!

waah it's 21km for goodness sake, and i only slept 3 hours! but one thing's pretty true, you can't sleep too much, or else your muscles will take even longer to warm up and ya it's slightly harder to run with so much of an inertia. yep but aniwaes, i feel that these kind of events really keep the taxi companies growing, because at one junction i saw 40 taxis in total, each with only one passenger wearing a sports singlet! ya tt goes to spell how lucky these taxi drivers are...but aniwaes after warming up and stretching, we eventually started our run at 0545, together with yenshong, shengyang, qingzhen and kk.

at the start it was aye but towards the upslope yenshong and i slowed down quite a bit (tho i felt that we were keeping pace but it's just everyone else is speeding up) but after the sheares bridge and reaching east coast, we had our first water point at 11km. pretty tired at that time, but you've no idea how water can be a morale booster at such distances. the sea, the water, the people, and what we commonly know as the "彩" is really a pretty big motivation for us to finish the race. in the end, yenshong n' i came in at about the same time, 02"01"02 which was, frankly speaking, a pretty good timing for me lar because it's my first time running 21km and ya, it was pretty tiring at the end. at least we still managed to get a medal and haha, we're lucky ya? thanks again for running at almost the same pace as me, and for being such a great buddy along the way, i couldn't have done it without you!

we then tried to source for bananas and free 100plus (haha the "giam siak" people) and it really motivated me to run the standard chartered marathon, which will be towards the end of this year (dec 2, please ask me if you're interested!). i mean, the feeling after completing the race was like "woah, i actually did it?" that kinda feeling...and besides the "i completed the 42.195km marathon" shirt which looks kinda cool, it really shows how disciplined you are, as definitely i need to train for this, or else i'll seriously just peng for 42km. in any case, it's a great opportunity for knowing your limits, but i'll be conscious of it because ya, sadly, if you guys have heard the news, one of the runners (a SAF CPT) actually died because of the run and ya, the best safety measure, i feel, is to know when to push yourself and when to stop, before it's too late. safety teams, ambulances and stuff like that can be there, but only you can know when something wrong's gonna happen before anyone else. so yep, just my few cents worth...

okie gtg for hockey training after this first half day...will be back probably next week i guess...pray hard for me haha! aniwaes take care y'all! i'll post up some pics when i get back!

simplicity

these few days have just been serving as days of recovery...still a bit shaken over NDP, and maybe it's just because of the buffet last nite, but ya it's been really very tiring. it's like my mind can go blank in the midst of journey, and i'll just knock out just like tt. but o wells i'm still smiling :)

it just feels really good to feel close to nature once more, enjoying the simplicity of everything. the world's like in a mess right now, so i guess i'll just sit back and relax for a while before jumping right in again. personally i feel that most of us are too career driven, such that we neglect the beauty of living. money is important, yes, but ultimately it doesn't really matter when it comes to the end. we've been involving ourselves in too many things, too many fights and tiffs such that our values have been rendered obsolete, rather, we're driven by money and by the desire for power. someone once mentioned "a person that does not desire power is best suited for a position in power." should we really be occupying our lives with the pretense that money is the most important commodity and forget about the other wonders in life?
would be great if we could simplify our lives so that we can observe the simple wonders around us don't you tink? i really the miss endless hours listening to the crashing waves. i really miss the smell of the sea which has this must, yet a friendly one that reminds you that you're just a small fish in the big ocean. i really miss the sunshine that's been keeping us warm, the hours where we busk freely without worry of getting sunburnt or the heat.

it's sad, don't you tink? our days were numbered since the day we stepped on this earth, and yet can't seem to cherish these simple pleasures, rather, we are driven by materialism and the hunger for supremacy.

just relax y'all? :)

post NDP recovery

it's over already?

that's pretty darn fast ain't it? haha NDP was just two days ago, but i can still feel it in my veins. the kinda feeling that you'll get after you've been thru too much hype and now it feels kinda weird.

withdrawal symptoms yeah?

tink so too...but o well what can i say? everything has to come to an end somehow, but that will mean the start of something new ain't it? i really do miss NDP, not just for the show and all the work, but for other things too. after working closely with people, you get to know them better, and at the same time, you learn more about yourself as well. but before that, there are a couple of people i'd like to thank...actually lots of them ya? okay let me start. would be good to count with me along the way...

1. 大哥. if not for him i wouldn't be in NDP haha! but even though he's my superior and was scolding me all the time, i felt that he just wanted it to be a success and tried to help as well. so o wells, bo pian ya? haha...thanks again!

2. the department. thanks to shanfu who have been driving us night after night, especially when you know you'll be the last one to reach home. it's a great sacrifice and i really do appreciate it ya? boyang, our store IC, for being there to guard the items, and also the rest of the department for helping out. i know that you've been kyo-ing all the sai kang and we've been getting scolding like it were raindrops in a thunderstorm, but thanks for standing by me and 大哥 all these while. really appreciate all the help that you've put. also, your crapping has really boosted my motivation lar! :)

3. kevin and ben. for being there to do the signages, crapping along, and enduring the fire from the top. it sure has been hard hasn't it? but i know that yep, it's all worth it ya? haha...all the best to ben to your next posting, that place seems like a fine place ya? and kevin for your eoac...our resident attached out officer. i know you guys have been enduring rubbish from me, so thanks once again!
4. tze hern and jacq. my fav orange sector oics (actually the only two haha). for such a success in our packing. we had our errs but definitely we still managed to get the public seated nonetheless! will miss all the fun that we had, watching the fireworks and smiling at people. and also the nonsense that we had to put up with our ushers! oops! haha...but aniwaes, you guys have been the people, the sole people who put in the hard work and i think you guys deserve more thanks that we do! i know it has not been easy, but i'm glad that it all worked out successfully! if i've offended any of you, i really do apologise, and i thank you for your understanding again! thanks for the present too jacq, and i hope you'll get what you want too:)
5. the ushers in the orange sector. okay lar not nonsense okay? it's just that you guys have so much fun in you, the fun that i've lost since i've exchanged that pink card to the green one haha. but i'm just glad for you people, who've been putting up with the various conflicting instructions that your sector oics and i have given. i thank you for doing such a wonderful job and all the best in your future endeavors!
6. cindy. for being someone who walks around to see how we are. if not for you i tink my stomachache would've gotten the better of me! haha thanks for the po chai pills, but definitely that's not the end of it aye? thanks for motivating all of us and also being such a great listening ear. i believe i have thanked you enough aye? haha...please don't feel sad that it has ended, rather, it only ends if you say so. haha...looking forward to the future!

7. to all those who called me hamtaro or hamster. haha...especially going out to shengyang and qingzhen (hammy sounds weird tho). you guys har, wait till i go back to camp and zai you again, but thanks for all the funny funny times...really had lotsa laughs, know i haven't been a really good rubbish talker, but definitely thanks for all the companionship!

8. our messing warrant. for all the great food and also handling of all the drinks and food that keeps us full. i'll really miss the KFC (not now, but later haha) and yep, thanks again for the ice creams and "mafins!"

9. which now ultimately comes to the logistics team. thanks for the help that you guys have given to us, for effectively settling the food in the funpack area and trying to give us buns even tho we're full (milie haha! no more hawker food anymore? :) ) and for being there for the laughs. it's been hard, shouting at people to collect funpacks when everyone wants their own colors, but you people have been really understanding and i know, and i thank you, for the great job done!

10. speaking of which, the PROs! no not pros, but people relation officers...haha to LTA Lihui, CPT Vincent and CPT Lim, my sector PROs! haha we have been putting up with a lot of rubbish from some people aye? and i know i have looked distraught sometimes, and you were always there to chill me out. haha smooth sailing and have a flyin time! also out to MAJ Woo from jacq's sector...thanks for being there, all of you! and helping to make this a success. haha i know got no off lar, but officers all got no off one i thought? haha maybe we'll be organising a gathering soon, so be sure to turn up ya? haha all the best in your military careers and mdm, all the best in your studies :)

11. hmmm...to the one in the red sector. yes the one. you know who you are...not alex oops! haha vanessa, for being so cooperative in the segregation, and for all the help rendered. and all the best in your exams too!
12. to all the people from heartware whom i haven't thanked or i really (apologetically) forgotten your names. thanks for all the help in this NDP, being volunteers and helping out during your free time. it's been a great sacrifice, but i really appreciate all the things you've done so thank you again for a great show, and i look forward to working with you guys again! :)

13. hmmm lets see...to my parents for being so supportive of me. i'm really very sorry for sounding a little irritated every time you two call me at night, but i know that you really care and i thank you for the things that you've done, the 凉茶, the inspiration and the constant checking on me. i feel like i've let you down, and i'm really sorry for all the trouble, but i thank you once again for being there and making me feel loved!

14. what's the show without the people? thanks to the public of course! tho we've been really doing things that i know some of you might not agree, but most of you have been really helping out and being such a cooperative crowd! i do hope you guys have enjoyed the show too!

15. all the people who have helped to make this show such a success. the show com, the exco, PRnP, SICU and all the funny people out there who've make a smile to my face :) thanks again!

16. hmmm no one else? i dunno actually, but yep will leave this here for now!

anyway i've gotta go soon, will edit this and post up some pictures soon! thanks again for hearing this out :)

infinite

yesterday met up with a couple of my friends back at swiss cottage...was a pretty small meeting actually. it just goes to show how much we have distanced each other since the last time we were in school together.

seriously speaking, he and i were the closest of buddies back in swiss (sounds gay right?) like he knows what i've been thru and i know what he's been thru, thick and thin, but most of the time, we've been thru it together. of course we were just that bunch of jokers hanging around and making a fool of ourselves, but boy smart fools we were. that bugger then went into rj while i went into nj.

of course we still kept in contact after that...swimming meets, class outings with that huge grin on our faces that our friendship was still intact. we even entered the same company in bmt, same platoon somemore, then we both trekked onto the lines of OCS.

i guess that was the turning point for both of us. i'm not saying i don't have faith in his friendship anymore, it's just that somehow i feel that we've distanced, and i really don't know how to put it to him. you know, it's just that feeling that you've got a bro to cover your back while you cover his, that kinda thing?

i'm still really glad we met tho, though it was just a short time.

*sighs*

infinite questions divided by infinite barriers. i feel as though time has somewhat wiped away this happy past that we once had (okay i'm starting to sound gay again, but no), but somehow we still know each other very well.

or was it a facade?

i dunno, i felt like i was playing the picture, which had the glorious smile of mona lisa, but deep behind that picture lay an injured, sad soul that felt that those were the days, so am i still living them now?

if you know me well enough, i'm someone who contemplates, i'm someone who analyses things, not to the single detail, but to some of the nonsensical details that you'd have ever imagined. it's like trying to open a lock but yet thinking how the lock came about in the first place. okay i know that's not a very good analogy, but life just seems different.

without thinking. without knowing the feeling.

i know how it feels to hurt (been there, done that, several times), i know how it feels to wander, but it's the first time where i was not only lost for words, but lost in my character. who was i? who i've become, and who is the person that people view as, well, me?

*sighs* *once again*

ain't i supposed to be kicking this habit? i mean, this mindset that i've achieved thru much scientific blabberings and the drills of theory after theory, where a level 5 answer can be achieved thru in depth thought and criticising the validity and underlying purpose and motive of the subject. is it reliable? is it trustworthy?

i guess i should.

right?

"i'm sorry to only present you with a picture."

and that's the saving grace that i can give to myself right now.

don't worry, i'm at the process of finding myself right now. when things get lost, they exist somewhere else, so no worries, my mind's not missing, but existing somewhere else, trying it's best to find it's way home.

where's this place?

it's just a place called Here.

when we're our There, we constantly try to fight for our survival, and in the midst, we lose the comfort of the people who do that best...our families and people who care dearly for us. that's why Here was created in order for people, that in the process of finding the way back There, they realise that Here is somewhere that many lost items, emotions, and people go to, where they lose their way in life and only realise it when they reach Here.

it's not by choice people go Here. and it's not by choice people come out of Here. we have to learn why we are Here and what is it that we have lost, not ourselves, that we have Here and not There.

try reading it if you have the time. i mean the book. "A place called here" i've lost my way, but i'm on my way of finding it back. it's not too hard, and trust me, i'll find my way back.

"there's nothing more a missing person would want that wanting to be found."

enlightened

the waves crashed with resonance as if they were created for this sole purpose. with our bare feet in the sand, we wandered aimlessly to find a suitable spot to relax. as seagulls circled the area, seemingly as a sign that all was well, our bodies touched the fine grainy sand, as though we were lying on top of a water filled bed.

nobody knew how long we laid there. all we heard were the faint laughters from innocent children, the comforting hustling of the coconut leaves, the ever harmonic voice of the sea, and our heartbeats. it seemed like solace was the perfect medicine for our problems, and that nature would help to erase the strains at that moment. i glanced upon her face, gleaming in awe of the warm sunlight, and smiled.

haha that's just a short narrative of what i dreamed, would be "the perfect memory". i don't know, i guess maybe i'm just a person that wishes for simple pleasures like these. wouldn't you feel the same way too?

anyway, today i popped by east coast for a short gathering with the very people i've been cooperating with for NDP. after our rendezvous, we grabbed our bikes and went for a ride of our lives. (okay lar i know i'm just exaggerating it kays? but yep was pretty fun!)

with the wind in our hair (what hair?), we sped thru bush after bush, humming and singing familiar songs like 梁山伯与茱丽叶 (although one of them was nicknamed 祝英台), 天黑黑, and many other familiar songs that we loved. of course we chatted about our lives, our work, our music and our commitments...it was really great company and although the journey was arduous and long, it was really fun with all the singing and chatting, and just enjoying the scenery given by mother nature. of course what followed was a dinner joined by another two, and more fun and jokes entailed...it was really a feast of fun and food. somehow i felt that i fitted in alright, even though it was just our first time meeting like this.

"i really would like to thank you for all the advice and insights that you've given to me. you're the first person that i met who is willing to encourage me and assure me that the chances are out there for me, if only i were willing to try. even though it was short, and i wished we had more time to the waves, i finally am clear on my stand and i will try my best in fighting for my happiness, and i know you will too! thanks once again for letting me know that i'm not the only one."

short and sweet, ain't it? my mind's still filled with songs and also the playlist of my iPod...feels good to have great music stuck in your head! "teenagers scare the living shit out of me"...funny song but yet somewhat true...anyway, from the mind and the heart, take care!