2 weeks

well, looking at the calendar isn't doing myself any good. there's barely 2 weeks left to exams! and somehow i'm not really feeling the heat. eeks. something's wrong.

anyhow, today will mark the end of one battle, finally! symmetry and crystals can essentially be thrown out the window and i can focus on the other 2 tmr (phy, mat sci). can't seem to solve a few questions now so o wells, hafta start grabbing my hair again.

*始まります*

*very interesting*

it's been some time since i had the comfort of typing blogs. being happy and all. i think it's time for my optimism to set in once again. i desperately need it back and i think it's time to activate it (:

the past two days have been pretty exhausting. takes up a lotta social cost to settle so many things at once. but i guess it's all worth the while (: i'm not complaining btw, it's just tiring hahahaha~

started off my saturday by going for a wake. isn't the best way to start, but i just felt i needed to be there. after all, it's probably only right that i do anyway. it's been really hard on you, and i'm glad you seem okay. meanwhile you know the lines are always open for your calls, so feel free if you really feel the need. i've got free incoming (: *i'll continue to pray for you, like i always do* after the library visit, headed down for cambodia exco meeting. was alrite, and a lotta things became clear. i guess i know where we're heading to now. it's about time i'm clear about what's happening. i've seen the general direction many times, but this time i just feel very sure. taking minutes probably wasn't the funnest thing to do (if there's even such a word) but yep, at least i felt a "sense of ownership" hahahaha!

well, left to eat 鱼片米粉 after that at coffee shop near REACH (bishan). apparently most of the exco team love it, so yep joanne asked me to be the official tester for it. well, simply put, i finished the whole bowl, nothing left, including soup! the fish stock soup with milk is awesome, have always been a fan of that, but it's just a tad oily. you can literally feel the oil in your mouth and tt somehow sucks. hahahaha~ anyhow, the texture of the fish was pretty good (fresh, and you can feel the soft tangy feeling that it gives, without much fishyness), and the noodles were long and yea, noodle tasting with the taste of soup. yummy! 4/5...probably the best i've tasted so far. cost $3.50, coffee shop at bishan bus interchange. try it, you wouldn't regret it!

so thereafter, where you stomach's full, headed down to SGH to visit granny. yep, i think she's pulling thru and getting outta hospital soon, iff (if and only if) she stops taking the extremely drowsy cough medicine. knocked her out since 3pm-5pm. dad and some of my relatives tried to wake her up since 5pm but she's been drifting in and out from sleep. from raising arms, poking legs, to shaking and then the 风油 in-nose trick. it all just didn't work. was hard getting her to eat. but yea fortunately she was in semi-awake state to finish all her food, before going back to sleep shortly again. damn good life right? hahahaha~ oh wells, i'll pray for her health, hope she gets back on her feet soon! 3 weeks liao~ take care!

and finally, the highlight of the day was our brotherhood mahjong sessions! finally, after a long hiatus, we've reunited, stronger than ever! muahahahaha~ okay enough dramatics. so yep me and my 2 other cousins played mj for a while, fiddled with my mbp, and then some five-alive-alcohol-edition with Southern Comfort (TOTALLY not comforting nor comfortable...but yea, if mixed right, it would taste pretty great. erm let's see~ cherry flavored, but with a bitter aftertaste. mixes well with barcadi limone, and yep, tastes somewhat like singapore sling hahahaha) anyhow, we ended up sleeping at 3am. probably the normal time back in hostel anw :p

sunday started from 9am, with "allergro cantabile" waking me up, as usual. i love my phone hahaha~ so there went our sleep, and off for breakfast. visited macs, but no space. visited ya kun, but no space. visited even ntuc foodfare, but no space. by then our silent-mode stomachs had started switching back to normal loud modes. *growls* then we finally visited wang jiao, bgt some real breakfast (my cousin got cheated to buying a $2 nasi lemak tt he thought had chicken wing, turned out to be a virtual one instead, and somehow compressed into a fish) and then i headed on to get my stuff with jim at simlim. interesting day i would say.

was pretty fun along the way, i think it's good that we catch up. despite us being in the same schools, we hardly have much time to talk (other than fridays haha!) so yea, i thought it was a good time to catch up, etc etc. sorry to those friends out there whom i've seen to neglected. i'm sorry! catch up soon we will! anw back to simlim, it's quite a big place. we tried to source for discounts in buying our microsoft notebook bluetooth laser mouse 5000, and took us some time in sourcing for the cheapest. BEST BUY (forgot which level, but yea 5th-6th, and if you're wondering, best buy is the name of the shop) sold it at $67 (after $2 discount if you pay by cash), compared to $69 at 8flags. oh wells, happy tt i got it. feels smooth, but doesn't work with windows on bootcamp! omgwt(fish)bbq. oh wells, i shall try to figure it out, if i'm really considering on playing crysis hahahaha~ and i need a right click for windows! how ironic, the microsoft mouse works on the leopard, but not microsoft windows. weird. simply weird.

so then we headed on to find keyboard protectors for our mbp, but to no avail. we did actually, but it was at $39. damn ex. so we shall wait till it comes out. after all, it's a new thing anw. so after tt headed off to his house for a short while. thanks for the day, it was really interesting. hopefully we have more time to do stuff like this when we're in our hols.

headed off to another wake. i think this person that i know is really very strong. i believe his mother is in the heavens looking at them, and she's someone who i think is really strong through adversity. she never gave up on them, and always wanted them to be happy. caring for others when you need to be cared for. that's love. so yep, i'm really inspired by your actions and motivation, and that's something i want to carry on for the rest of my life. the will to live, the will to fight, and the will to believe in miracles. you've just made your point in my life. thank you and i'll pray for you too!

so yep. after that, more woes. father's arm isn't tt good anymore. so yep hopefully we can spot the cause soon. so ya, had dinner at home, a good chat etc. i love my family a lot. i think tt's why i'll do anything to protect what's mine. because what's mine is theirs too.

well, i think life is a rollercoaster ride. we might make decisions that affect our lives, and sometimes we do so without thinking it through. however, even though you trip and fall, treat every cut as a learning lesson, and then walk on. i believe you can do it, because simply i know you can. i hope i've been a good listener and advisor, because yep, i do agree with your point. a flurry. juxtapox. so yep, dun worry bro, you'll do fine. i'll lend my shoulder and hand always. but please take one only! hahahaha~ take care. and you owe me starbucks hahahahahaha!

so yep. that ended my sat/sun. with a lotta social cost. now it's back to my personal opportunity cost liao. play hard --> work hard --> happy (: . happy later pain now lar. bo pian. hahahaha~

*maybe i'm just too scared to step out. after all, so many things have happened. can i touch it? can i touch it? can i? can i?!? will it bite? (:*

changes - the silent constant

the past few weeks have been nothing but filled with a myriad of changes. i would dare say that this has been one of the most challenging times of my life, but nonetheless i've learnt a lot about myself.

the silent thoughts inside me that linger without question, is one that will forever stay that way. i've concealed my other self, but my facades can only last so long. it's not something that we can all choose, it's a give and take. we choose who we want to be, yet sometimes we hold ourselves back. our true self. who we really are. the silence hidden inside your heart, has it awaken yet? the one who has been screaming out yet, hidden from the outside world. well...a irony that i'm trying to solve, how to be myself while trying to hide myself. ain't that right.

well, let's just leave that bit of random jibberish for some other time. meanwhile, this would be the first blog post that i'm proud to say, I'M FINALLY ON A MAC! WOOHOO! let me give you guys a good review of this baby~

okay the macbookpro, on first look, looks like a brick of aluminium. The whole aluminium body is nicely carved from 1 block of aluminium, inclusive of all the ports and the power light (which just shines through the aluminium without you knowing. damn cool!) so what sets it apart from most notebooks? everything else!

1. OS X Leopard
probably the best OS invented thus far. i like it's stability. for example, you can do so many things at once without worrying about your stability. based on a strong UNIX foundation, it is just built the way it's designed to work. and they provide you with basic yet useful apps that are cleverly thought out. i must admit, at the start, it needs a bit of getting used to. i'm currently in the transition, but installing stuff on it has never been easier. so well, i'm really excited about the OS till now. so smooth and stable. (: just what i require.

2. cleverly thought out hardware and peripherals
okay this is a bit broad. but precisely, there are so many things that they thought about that makes it so special. the iSight camera is nicely hidden by the black background, together with a light sensor which automatically adjusts the brightness of the monitor to a comfortable level. the power cable, MagSafe, is basically what it's named after. Magnetic, and Safe. there is no physical connection to fit the power cable into your macbookpro, it just fits magnetically. red when charging, green when supplying power. and the safe part you might say? it just pops out if there's a sudden jerk, doing no harm to your macbook. it's innovation, and you might say it's useless, but it's something that you'll only find useful if your notebook slams to the floor due to some bugger kicking the cable. hahahaha~

the keyboard is backlit, which means at any time, you'll be able to see what you're typing. what's better, the keyboard fits nicely with the aluminium body, responsive keys and a smooth feel. although again, you might find that you're missing a few buttons (hey, where's my end and home buttons?!?), it seriously just takes some time to get used to it. my favorite part, however, is the trackpad.

at first i was skeptical, glass trackpad? and no button? i'm just going to press it down? it's a huge button don't you think? and what am i going to do with my right click? hmmm~ then when i used it, all these things just disappeared. the trackpad is smooth, responsive and accurate. pressing the button down wasn't really that hard, in fact, it was fairly simple. and you can even select "tap to click", so it wasn't really a problem to begin with. right clicks could be done with 2 fingers. but that's just two fingers. the four finger gestures are seriously kickass.

1 finger
- clicks, drag

2 fingers
resize (using pinching), rotate (spreading fingers), scrolling (two fingers parallel to the direction you want to scroll)

3 fingers
next page, next picture (swipe left/right)

4 fingers
this is the killer. you know in windows you have to press alt-tab to see the apps running? if you swipe four fingers to the right, you get to see all your apps already! and what's more, expose is an in-built function in the OS X Leopard. swipe four fingers upward to see the desktop, and swipe four fingers down to see all the windows of applications running, and you can select the app you want to use from there. it's uber awesome, no kidding!

so yep. that's just the preview of the macbook. i think there are a lotta things that really seperate it from windows, esp vista, but i shall just let it rest for now and let apple do all the fighting. woohoo!

changes in my life are just part and parcel of my very life. it's too complex to define, yet too simple to query. i wonder what i'm doing.

but i've thought over it, so no worries. i'll be fine. i promise. i've chosen this path. hope you guys can support me along the way!

freaking hilarious

freakin hilarious it is.

simply.

thank you! i needed that laughter badly.

meanwhile i shall be more decisive. damn~

sorrowful nature

the day begins
with the sunrise
shining with a dim brilliance
seemingly mocking the rain in it's absence

the plains of freedom
seemingly ever so vast, so wide
suddenly engulfed by barriers
unable to run, unable to hide

the fields of hope
once vegetated in abundance
now engulfed in a sand storm
a flurry of rage and uncertainty

the tree of life
standing tall in awe of the brilliant sun
feels frail and fragile
with a downfall of leaves and pain

the seven seas
calm and peaceful initially
now plays a violent motif
fierce waves, contradicting clashes

the winds of time
amidst the harmonic tune
blows one of sorrow and weakness
etching skin deep, feeling feeble and cold

the setting sun
begins its slow yet unsteady descent
the day is over
but the hopeless night has just begun

meanwhile

i'll pray for you.

i'll hold you in my thoughts and hope you'll weather the storm.

"a diamond is formed out of carbon. it undergoes a lot of weathering, but at the very end, it shines brighter than anything else on earth."

catstalk - not cat on flower, but stalking cat!

i was taking a bus to ntu, walking back the usual route via hall 10, and then i saw 1 x black cat rubbing itself on the wall. so me, being the animal loving me (foreground : "awww"...background : "yer' right"), helped scratch it's neck and it seemed to enjoy it.

i swear it was a female cat. why didn't anyone warn me of rubbing cats the wrong way?!?

so what happened was i continued walking to my hall, and then the cat started not only following me, but blocking me feet with it's body. 5 times! when i was climbing up the freakin stairs! then i was like..."err okay"...and after the stairs were through, it continued accelerating while i tried to walk faster, trying to go in front of me, until it reached the end of the block. tt's abt 50m for you.

A FREAKIN BLACK CAT STALKED ME FOR 50M!

OMGOMGOMG~

the time was 1937. go buy 4D all you like. if you do win however, lemme know. i demand commission.

"maybe i didn't feed it cheezburger...stupid spy cat"

ouch

i'm so not going to take 3 injections in one go again. it's not damn xiong.

it just makes your muscles pretty sore.

and nuah.

eeks.

sidetrack : i so can't wait for the MBP! it's taking ages!

painful irony

this 2 weeks have been a rollercoaster ride for all of us. financial turmoil, emotional crises, family tragedies. i would dare say it has been one of the most testing times of our lives.

seems like something i would say after a really bad dream. but yep, seems like it wasn't a dream after all. throughout the weeks it sort of hurt like a splinter that will never go away. you seem to have plucked it out halfway, but yet it never seems able to come out. then again, we only have the choice to carry the burden.

right?

now that this series of unfortunate events have happened, i've come to a realisation. throughout this period of uncertainty, there has been one constant. i know that they will always be there for me, and always hear my sorrows. share my laughter. prod my inquisition. and it's something that will never change.

thanks for being always there for me.

thank you, my friends.

choice

I never knew perfection til
I heard you speak, and now it kills me
Just to hear you say the simple things

Now waking up is hard to do
And sleeping is impossible too
Everything is reminding me of you
What can I do?

It’s not right, not OK
Say the words that you say
Maybe we’re better off this way?
I’m not fine, I’m in pain
It’s harder everyday
Maybe we’re better off this way?
It’s better that we break…

i think tt's the best choice for both of us right now.

even though it's hard, but i'm sure you'll understand someday.

i've found a better one.

sorry vista~ i'm leaving you for a mac.

(:

random shoutouts

my mind's just been shaken awake, so ya some random thoughts to start the day. it's gonna be a tiring day i perceive.

1. MACBOOK IS COMING OUT ON 14th! like finally lar. i can't wait to get my hands on it! hope it's good. jason, it better be good!

2. blood donation drive. ahh will probably be my first stint at it, but ya i think i'll be fine. i hope. if it hurts i'm so gonna kill you. hahahahaha just kidding!

3. 3 jabs. yes you heard me right. i'm gonna have 3 jabs next week for cambodia! meanwhile, if any of you are still interested in contributing, let me know!

4. i wanna get a dSLR! a 450D perhaps...haha and one new fact. it's true, i'm not kidding. although i laughed till my stomach nearly broke that day. it is TRUE that you can charge your battery by rubbing it on your hands. i am not kidding. thanks jeanette, it was totally hilarious. hahahaha!

5. i've never expected someone to share exactly the same thoughts about life. was really insightful talking to you. it seems as though i was talking to myself! hahahaha~ hope you enjoy the play and let me know abt it ya? (:

6. i wanna catch up on anime. it's like a part of me has been taken out. *sobs* meanwhile a seiyuu from macross frontier's coming to town on 20/11. i dunno who, but apparently she plays the singing voice of sheryl notte or something like that. didn't watch it, but my source informs me of the latest events, so ya. hahaha~

7. i wanna catch up on my work! self-explanatory

8. i wanna sing my lungs out. for once.

9. i want to go to the zoo lar! it's damn fun! i think...just had this dream~ but ya see how ba.

10. i think my 1 week worth of predictions and premonitions should and must come to a close. i don't want to rely on you, seriously.

11. i'm darn thankful for my two dear friends at macs ytd. really meant a lot to me. yep.

12. hope 伯母ちゃん is getting better.

yep. that's all i have now. and yep i'm finally up and ready to move. (: ciao!

happy day

i hear the skip of beats
the change of footsteps
the major variance
the end of jabs

with my arms wide open
i reach for the sky
once again, with a smiling face
looking forward to fly

the silent meadows
once covered with snow
has now seen the sun
and exuding a timely glow

thanks to all of you
lowering my elastic deformation
before it turned plastic
and shifting my location

i want to see the sun
i want to hold the stars
i want to grasp the harmony
and the falsetto bars

~.~

it's time for a smile (: thanks to all of you. you just know who you are, i'm not saying who!

funny bunny

when i set off for the week, it was rather painful. so many meetings. so many things to settle.

but i'm glad it all turned out pretty well (:

well, for one, i've lost my creativity juices totally. especially designing. themes can't even come to my mind right now. but fortunately there's someone who's been giving me ideas, so ya. i still can't design but it'll be better off with a theme. meanwhile, there are plans that have yet to come to fruition. there are so many events i want to do~ but it's just i can't set a time for myself to even think of it. i'll have to rely on my randomness then~ as usual.

my tuitions are coming to an end this week. i think i'm both relieved and sad. relieved as in having more time to myself for eg. mugging (hypotetical), planning (also hypotetical), blogging (as usual), my guitar (which, sadly, is in hall) and finding some me-time. sad as in NO MORE SOURCE OF INCOME! *sobs* i hope they want me back during the hols hahaha~ but ya i'll start charging more liao...times are hard man~ 学生就是穷的 hahahaha~

i suddenly have a craving for 雪冰. can 2 didn't make the cut. damn.

you know i've always been craving 雪冰 since the last time i came back from taiwan? i remember this guy asking us if we're singaporeans in 西门町 and there was one who proudly exclaimed "来来来要不要吃雪 brrrrrrrrrrrringggg (subtitle : 冰)". so yep. it's just damn nice. you just have to try it to believe it. actually i wanna go back to taiwan with you guys again~ we can jump all we like at 101 and get plugged into a hot spring bathtub all we want. hahahahaha~ think it's hilarious.

okay, back to the week. reached back on sunday like a goldfish kept in an airless tank, but thanks to some fresh air, snailwatching and hilarity, i felt much better. monday was pretty nice...aren't all mondays like that? and what's with monday blues? hahahaha i reckon we chased it away~ dinner at can 4 was 'pretty good' (using damien duff's tone from "the special one")...15th meeting (i seriously can't design for nuts!) and then symmetry n' crystals. before we went for our twister spree with a bordeaux medium sweet. tink it was pretty hilarious tho. everyone torturing themselves with someone being as evil as she can be. oops!

tuesday was tiring. honestly. tiring. i think i need to control my sleeping time, like i should be sleeping now but i'm still awake. *pats body* i'm sorry! dozed off at lecture (nothing new), crappy lab (and had to submit report somemore...eeks). it was hilarious how lab can bond people though...for an ownage gpa! woohoo! then came computing lect (totally lost) and towards tuition. oh ya and a very happy birthday to my fellow friend in crystals (: anw to you guys, thanks, and i'm alrite...sorry i pulled off a scare that day. but i'm glad you guys cared, felt rather warm n' fuzzy inside (:

weds was meeting day. jc n' gang. and brought my lab report to do. i think i'm starting to see where we're heading and now more involved. however, my mind's not following my heart at this moment, so i shall have to tug it a bit. i need MOTIVATION! eeks! after that was dinner with my long lost cousin (haha not really lar) with our wine n' usual gaming stuff. well, that signalled the end of home life, and back to hall i went. it just happens so fast doesn't it? haha~

thursday, as usual, = xiong. 9.30 to 6.30 leh. what kinda chui timing is that...but i guess for the day, i was a happy boy (:

1. i could understand the tutorials!
2. i could do computing!
3. econs [as usual (:]

furthermore, it was a really hilarious day. "V"...both the handsign (i'm serious!) and the bomb... GL power! woohoo! had dinner at hall 16, met 一百万 and yep, fighting cockroaches. i think that sums up the whole day. every thursday is fun anyway haha!

i'm always looking forward to friday, as it's the end of the week. somehow this end wasn't really as high as i expected. but ya, nonetheless i'm glad we went swimming. could totally see how chui i've become haha~ i'm now still aching but i think i'll feel better in a while. weighing scales are also another problem (hai~) and aero lectures are just meant simply for sleeping.

at this point of time, no matter what they say, i don't really care. people have so many perceptions, it's not possible that change every one of them. i'm tired of living in everyone's perceived self, and i'll just live the way i want.

somehow, now i have the urge to run away to the beach. scream out loud. proclaim to the world that i'm still alive. why i'm alive. and where i'm going from here.

"the inside thought became so loud that the inside thought came out."

looks like i'm not the only one with STM. haha. one bright sunny day will come soon, and i hope the inside thought really comes out again. i can't really remember tho. although i honestly felt glad for a moment when i forgot. *wonders why*

okays, tuition time. i'll do what i can to save you, but you have to save yourself. wake up, wake up!!