faceless

today was a pretty happening day. i haven't started like that in a while haha!

but yea, honestly, it was quite the happening day. never mind the morning mayhem, the rest of the day was pretty awesome.

so yea, back to the topic, today was the volunteer appreciation tea for REACH. while the thought of going for the tea session sounded pretty interesting, the theme was "BACK TO SCHOOL". aka we needa dress up like students, in uniform! got dragged in by a certain someone *sobs* who i have 30 minutes of late time to my account haha! chill bro~ it's just in preparation for my future lateness.

got changed into nj uniform, pretty nostalgic actually. read back my old posts previously made about nj, classmates and everything. happiness. okay lar. bliss is a more appropriate word. i was happy, but happiness is too big of a word to use i suppose. haha but it sure was fun :p

ah. sorry. disrupted entry, but i'm going off to sleep. beckoning from 5 hours of insecure rest in the morning. damn.

uncertainty ceased for now. i think my unsettling thoughts have stopped. thanks to one person. (: you didn't say anything but i just said what i felt, nothing explicit, but i'm feeling pretty much happier. you're too nice for your own good. let's live through these 3 weeks, and after cambodia, let's see what we can do. i'm not turning gay, but honestly, i admire you quite a lot (:

lingering remnance

now that the exams are over, i look back and wonder what i was really feeling when i was writing those overtly weird blogposts. not something you'd like to do on a daily basis but at the same time something that makes you feel at different points of time, you were different.

if i ever were to be described in a single animal, i think that would probably be fish. probably any fish. one ordinary fish swimming down the deep blue see. except this one would be usually at the depths of the ocean, hiding in the dark and looking around at things that are happening. definitely not a predator, but one just observing things. and once in a while, i'll pop to the surface and have a look. easily swept upstream by a current and then when you realise you're in different waters, you start to wonder why you even went up in the first place.

it's this pending uncertainty and inconsistencies in feelings that i guess i have succumbed to. despite all my misgivings, i still hold a fraction of my true self. and i would dare say that i am easily affected by things i supposed. probably my biggest misgiving of all. i'm sure quite a number would dare say the same, or probably already have.

i've signalled to myself many times that i should do things the way i want, however most of the time the current sweeps me up. without question, a simple push leads me a long way. probably the wrong way too. it's interesting, but after the facade and hype wears out, it turns out that i'm still back at where i really was. not absorbing anything. and feeling numb.

probably my life revolves around a sponge, where it absorbs many things during a period, and then it autosqueezes itself after a while. and then you're back to where you were. or maybe some extra feelings have been squeezed out somehow.

but i'll start hoping and wishing again. like i always have. it's something that really keeps me who i am. this optimism is currently fueled by a tinge of cynicallism and skeptism. i want to do so many things honestly, but holidays...are totally off limits already. please forgive me.

*don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head...i miss you*

feelings show - colbie calliat

well, finally some normal dreams for once. and somehow this dream had too many characters! my neighbor, hall mates, jc mates, maldivians. and encompassing so many events that surprisingly have or are going to happen. i'm a happy person (:

i can't believe i woke up smiling this morning. haha.

meanwhile, i've finished all of eddie izzard, so i shall be waiting for "stripped" to come out before another episode. for those curious minds, eddie izzard is a transvestite british stand up comedian who's been hosting performances in mainly britain, america and france. extremely well versed and hilarious, although i must say it takes time to get to understand his true accent, or else you wouldn't understand a word. mostly i suppose. haha. check it out if you have the time.

if you're wondering, no, i'm not interested in transvestites. (nor am i a straight transvestite or male lesbian...haha as he aptly puts)

anyway some deals. if you have the chance and freedom, please do pop by ikea...pretty good deals on their furniture and items. the visit there yesterday was brief but pretty interesting. you wouldn't imagine queuing up for the meatball stall from the second to first level, but there was (and will continue be till sunday) a megasale. had hotdog/drink/curry puff for $2, is that cheap or what! queensway was pretty interesting too, got to know a pretty nice uncle and most probably will be meeting him soon.

again, uncles don't interest me. it's those kinda old english speaking uncles, more like grandad. that kind of fatherly feeling. felt he was pretty sincere in his sales, so yea.

then again i am promptly reminded by someone who asked me whether i have liked someone of the same sex before. not in a sexual way, but more in admiration like "woah, this guy's good". or respect i suppose. i believe i would have, think there's totally nothing wrong with that tho. fortunately you think the same too, i swear you were trying to make me sound gay! haha! wonder's how is he now, that bugger from india. haha!

still the unrests and terrorism continue there though. it's just a matter of time, but hopefully they don't do anything foolish, like killing another person etc. get a life.

speaking of getting a life, brings me back to shopping haha! was walking down bugis yesterday and saw this shirt "I'M A VIRGIN" in large white ink, and then i saw some small print below.

it wrote "i bought this shirt long ago". haha was literally laughing lar. i've seen stuff similar to this, but ya this one was hilarious.

and again if you're wondering, yes i'm still a virgin thank you. haha. just in case, you know?

business then turned anime-ish when the place for business had an anime shop. haha was pointing out the different animes there, surprisingly i could still remember them. nogizaka haruka no himitsu, lucky star, gundam 00, cardcaptor sakura, tsubasa chronicles, clannad, nanatsuiro drops, mahou shoujo lyrical nanoha, ah! megami sama and the list goes on. haha! reignited my passion for anime.

which brings me to another point. should've gone for the anime fest on 20th. heard there was a mother load of people there. i'm not sure where this "mother" thing came in but it just sounded right there. sounds and feels so much better without the prescribed vulgarity after that haha! too bad it wasn't rie kugimiya, aya hirano, mami kawada, kotoko or maaya sakamoto or else i'd have been fighting for my tickets (if there were tickets!). heard it was awesome tho. catcha there laters *heh heh*

//ps: ah hotmail isn't working on me. and metal slug is a good place to pass the time. shall get back to business.//

my 3 day outlook would probably be something like this:
a cosparty without costume
with a christmas afterparty
coupled with japanese food
visiting grandma
and maybe soccer/mahjong?

and then it's time to work. not earning money, sadly. haha! it's going to be tough, but i'll head on smiling.

*because you only want to see me that way (:*
*actually i do too*

The Very Reason For Letting You Go (Yes You Know)

save the words for the lost
because i don't need them now
i'm a wandering soul
and i'm not making any vow

the smile you exuded
you know i could never resist
it's a wild world
but this moment i wouldn't miss

i don't blame you for hating me
but you can't blame me for loving you

we're like one single star
beating with two harmonies
a duet that doesn't fit
but hush now, no worries

we can't follow each other
with these footsteps we take
so i'm letting my heart go
and i'm not going to fake

my love is the very reason for letting you go (yes you know)

proceed on with your taunts
because i wouldn't smirk anymore
it's a cheesy performance
for this game that's starting to bore

i'm not angry, i'm not sad
why should i even be?
you know very well
it's me that you don't want to see

and i don't blame you for hating me
but you can't blame me for loving you

we're like one single star
beating with two harmonies
a duet that doesn't fit
but hush now, no worries

we can't follow each other
with these footsteps we take
so i'm letting my heart go
and i'm not going to fake

my love is the very reason for letting you go (yes you know)

someday maybe i'll ponder
why i did things in this fashion
executed with such decisiveness
without any form of pretension

i don't know everything
but i'm definitely no fool
these wings that are ready for donning
and solely made only for you

and i don't blame you for hating me
but you can't blame me for loving you

we're like one single star
beating with two harmonies
a duet that doesn't fit
but hush now, no worries

we can't follow each other
with these footsteps we take
so i'm letting my heart go
and i'm not going to fake

my love is the very reason for letting you go (yes you know)

disclaimer: work of fiction! if you have a tune for the song please let me know immediately! zx, if you're reading this, let me know! (inspiration from songs "when you're gone", "picture", "built to last", "always be my baby", "over you")

seriously, get a life!

it is seriously disturbing when you happen to see such news on television. mumbai attacks. bangkok strikes.

what in the world is happening? another set of coordinated attacks and with people killed and injured. seriously scary lar. 10 different targets altogether, and it's honestly scary lar.

then again, that's precisely what they want us to feel.

and then bangkok's another problem.

haii~

we shall stand strong. *prays for the people still kept hostage, especially our own.*

weird dreams

honestly speaking, it's either the food here in ntu or the halls here that possess certain unspoken powers that are beyond divine. seriously weird. i've never had weird dreams at home. okay maybe like 10 a year, but it seems like on every other day, it's a weird dream altogether.

i still vividly remember the one with glowing growing caterpillars, cards, and half dead-ness. totally no link to what i was thinking at the moment, except there were a few numbers which i thought i could play with. 333/343/353. sounds as though they have no link with the above? haha it's just a really weird story, but it all links in the end.

someone was telling me about dreams where you plunge from a building or from no where to the depths of the earth. i've had those dreams before, but mostly in jc/secondary school. it's pretty fun sometimes, when you wake up and then your legs are all straightened out. a sudden jerk. and you're up.

but i realise the trend of my dreams used to end precisely at the time i was supposed to wake up. used to, at least. now they have been progressing to the middle portions of my precious sleep time, and progressively weirder too.

last's night dream...can't remember what it was but somehow i felt a bit weird when i woke up. it's as though your mind was screwed up right before you woke up. can't really remember, but it wasn't a good feeling.

anyhow, tested and proven, beefball noodles in ntu, not exactly good for perfect sleep. i swear the uncles put in something to titilate your thoughts in a weird way. or something. okay probably not the best way to use titilate but it's simply weird!

it's not that i don't like weird dreams. it's pretty interesting what some dreams show you, but the frequency of it and the emotions you feel after you wake up are "what?". some are happy, some are sad, some make you feel extremely lost, and some find yourself clueless to the very end.

oh well. woke up now. pretty awake. am going to wake someone up later too. settle some business and then we'll move on. this surge of free time isn't something that i really wanted though. somehow i think my slightly cynically side is spewing out nonsense on me.

i'm contemplating on lugging my stuff out later. guitar, presents, some clothes and my usual stuff. realised it wasn't such a good idea to have not washed my dirty clothes yesterday. >.<

okay i think i sound too much like a certain someone. it's kind of infectious though. haha!

*it's your last paper! you'll feel loads better after it's over. but give it an hour, it seriously takes time to set in. see you ard (i hope...no time!)*

actually it isn't such a bad idea

i was actually thinking along the lines of saying something normal here, but i think i'll heck it. sooner or later someone's gonna realise that i've gone bonkers. haha.

anyway someone asked me if thoughts could be pre-empted. imagine this picture perfect scenario, where you're walking along the beach and then someone asks if you have thought of say...cooking salmon before, you might be like "what?". but if the person asks you if you have thought about something more personal, and it's against your nature, like "have you ever thought of cheating on her?" or something...

well, it's just a thought. no i'm not planning to cheat on anyone. hahaha hard to find someone the cheat on too haha!

but yea, the thought of having negative thoughts contrary to your nature. despite being an optimist and everything, that doesn't mean that i don't have negative thoughts. that simply means that you have thought of it, but surpress it. because definitely, in a way or another, we can't actually control our thoughts. it's too random to be controlled.

but then again, it really depends on the environment the person was exposed to before. highly dependent on what you have experienced before i suppose. if you'd never heard of it, you might have never dreamt of it before. still, for normal people, i think it's hard not to think conversely.

picture this scenario where you walk into a food square with no aim in mind. you end up at the chicken rice queue. either way you must have thought about eating some of the other stalls, despite your liking towards chicken rice. but yea, it's an interesting thought.

it's not because i'm thinking too much, just a thought provoking chat. haha shall see you soon.

why?

actually now that i think of it. maybe i shall make it my most interesting day ever.

it's not something that i can say everyday that my emotions have been thrown into a spin dry washing machine. different pieces of emotions thrown in and the put on an endless spin cycle.

okay it's not fun. maybe it is.

probably something worthwhile to blog about for today. so many entries right. never done something so radical before.

meanwhile an ant tried to crawl into my keyboard. fortunately blew it off, or else things would've gotten weird.

i think it's over. yep.

the rain has washed it all away. i'm actually awfully happy now. as in...erm...you know what i mean. it's a happy thing yea? (:

so on to tmr...another tiring day, got appointments canceled but yea, at some point of time you really want to smack someone for their stm. hahahaha.

meanwhile searching for "the moment of truth" online. heard the said show is interesting, but to be it's a tad scary.

make or break. and prawn noodles. how does that even link...hahahaha.

mata ne~ it's freakishly cold lar.

as you can see...it's a totally random post. ahhh. but was fun (:

self flight

the past few hours have seen me hopping from self-delusion to self-enjoyment. and then it triggers back on forth. now it's more of the latter i suppose.

it's a funny feeling when you have no idea in mind, randoming surfing through thoughts that circulate through.

and without question your intuition tests your sensations with a new pick. which brings your life's harmony to another totally different tune altogether. maybe it's this that keeps our lives interesting.

there's always something round another corner, but it's not just another clue. it's more of a path that we're following. then again, our dreams will lead us to another corner, deluding from reality and causing a certain bit of chaos. but that's how our lives should be.

i guess when i say this i'm not having any thing in mind, precisely because having something would make this view sound like something i've said all along. the thoughts that have been perceived about this journey have been somewhat erased.

okay i'm totally not making sense there.

but nonetheless don't take this as a plea that i'm copying, or a mental instability that has generated such insecurities. it's just one of a mind which is dwelling in such uncertainties and thus winding itself up another route.

at times like these, you just want to lay back and continue typing what seems like rubbish to the audience.

and what is starting to sound like rubbish to myself too.

well.

randomly, i hear thunder. another plan gone, but then again, there are always other plans (:

somehow when you see the life you have walked previously, you realised that things that you have done or said don't really matter now, it's just you and yourself. we hold memories dear in our hearts because they are a story to our past, but that's merely the hope we hold for our futures.

i wish this side of me would come more often. looking at things now has never been the same before. i'm not being cynical of what this life has entailed so far, but rather, it's time to get a different set of shoes on and try walking a different path.

for the past few hours i've been dwelling on nothing but weird/hilarious/emo thoughts. nonetheless it's something that i've enjoyed thus far.

in some sense, i'm glad i'm not always 100% happy. it's not the pain or suffering, denial or worries, but rather the uncertainty of life that causes you adjust and change. and that's what life makes us to be.

an uncertainty that would always persist, and that nothing will be the same.

well.

dreaming of things have never felt the same before. and when i think about it, this life has been awesome thus far.

i think at this juncture in my life, i'm still at the crossroads, figuring out which path to take. although unsure, there are slight tendencies that attract me to certain paths, and even the road back.

i wouldn't lie to myself to have said *i wish it was like before*. i have, and still am. however, the more you wish for it, sometimes, the further it goes. and it lands you up in a pile of frustration.

nonetheless, move on and smile. it's something that we humans do. we see change, we accept change, and we move on to another change.

*okay that's enough*
*but i still have something to say*
*no you've caused enough trouble*
*what? trouble you say?*
*look at the counters! people think you're weird! enough already!*
*but...*
*-smack smack smack-*

yep sorry, that was my inner self. "keep quiet already!" nonetheless, it's a smile that i'll continue putting on (: dousing one in pessimism shan't do any good. nor will it.

clearing up the thoughts in your mind can something be quite a bane. but it's fun finding out weird topics to pop by.

just in case :p

bad idea

in a short span of 1 hour, my heart jogged between 7 different feelings. extreme adverse feelings. the last one is a composition of all of them.

honestly weird.

1 min before paper ended - enlightened
--> realised i got one of the equations wrong, scrambled for cheatsheet.

paper ended - shocked
--> thought i had more than 1 minute

5 minutes after paper ended - happy
--> thought of freedom

10 minutes after paper ended - relieved
--> overtly used to the feeling of exams, and rather tired

30 minutes after paper ended - worried but a bit eased
--> at least you're looking better now (: but yep, wish i could've spent more time with you.

40 minutes after paper ended - irritated
--> now that i'm back in my room, can totally feel the sianness. the air feels seriously stagnant. feels as though the undead had ploughed my room...pretty ghastly scent.

50 minutes after paper ended - overwhelmed
--> shan't elaborate. but basically my free days are gone. yep.

and the timeline goes on. well. i never thought i'd say this.

but i've never felt so lost in my life before.

okays. shall stop complaining and move on with my life.

*sacrifices. somehow it hurts somewhere deep inside*

16 more freaking hours

as time progresses closer to the end, surprisingly i'm feeling progressively sian-ner. been randomly surfing websites for about 30 minutes now...pretty tired but yea lacking some brain juice.

meanwhile yep, got quite a lotta things to be happy abt after exams i suppose, so i shall keep this melancholy for the next 16 hours. after that, as my roomie put, it's more of relief than joy.

*sighs*

hopes it doesn't rain tomorrow. we'll have more to see then. and more to do i suppose.

so you found it

someone found my blog? *scratches chin*

*points 2 fingers to eyes*

*and points them to you*

*i'm watching you*

haha kidding lar. just didn't expect you'll find it. too bad i didn't go for anime fest tho :p

the take over, the break's over

well, with my roomie gone, and the room all to myself, i shall attempt to kidnap someone back to stay with me. maybe over wednesday i suppose. haha~ depends on what happens to me tomorrow.

nonetheless, even though i'm lost by the papers of aerospace, still feeling pretty good. the xianz feeling is...overwhelming, that i've been playing bejeweled for hours, but yea, feeling much better now. some green tea. cleaned my room, and now back to my books.

still pretty fascinated by how fall out boy came out with their song titles though. if you have listened to their songs, almost none (okay other than dance, dance; sugar we're going down;this ain't a scene, it's an arms race; Thnks fr th Mmrs; beat it) have correlation to their songs.

I've Got All This Ringing In My Ears And None On My Fingers - talks about the truth hurting. eh?

Our Lawyer Made Us Change the Name of This Song So We Wouldn't Get Sued - haha!

Grand Theft Autumn / Where is Your Boy - what??

Don't You Know Who I Think I Am? - singing people to sleep.

I'm Like a Lawyer with the Way I'm Always Trying to Get You Off (Me & You) - me and you, setting in a honeymoon, if i woke up next to you...but what's with the lawyer and trying to get you off?

I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me - ohmytian..finding a cure to getting older, dousing yourself in cheap perfume...eh?

Of All The Gin Joints In All The World - I've got headaches and bad luck, but they couldn't touch you...what? hahaha

but nonetheless, despite their weird lyrics/titles, i must say their music is really one of a kind. and i like it :p always something to suit my mood now, precisely because it's too random.

*i'll pray for you*

these little wonders

nothing spectacular. except the fumigation. seriously hope they'll do something about it...it's killing people while we're studying lar. from both sides.

totally understand how people felt when they were in the gas chamber lar. it was everywhere! eeks!

at the same time, i totally understand how some people feel when they screw something up totally. and one minute later you end up questioning yourself. *wonders* and you end up stabbing yourself (okay not literally haha!) why didn't you do certain things.

*meanwhile, all the best for your papers.*

pleasant surprises

*grins* waking up in hall is never easy. especially when you have someone competing with you who can sleep later. well, that's not always a good thing, but i enjoyed the extra 30mins nonetheless.

well, about halfway through my cheatsheet. pretty much on track, but yea, always could be faster. but had a couple of pleasant surprises today. was pretty tired at 4pm, struggling to stay awake from the full lunch (beefball soup set, i swear they soak the egg in oil, but it's seriously nice. plus a heart waffle, always makes my day :p oh and not forgetting the watermelon) and then, without warning, felt a couple of knocks on my door. was wondering who could it be at this hour, and the knocking sounded faintly familiar. it was actually my cousin! truth to be he msged me this morn to ask if he could meet for dinner, and told him 6.30 at JP. turns out my parents found out that he was coming and decided to join him to surprise me after visiting my grandma's. so oh well, pleasant surprise (:

considering the fact that we've been together since we're young. correction. close. yep that sounded more normal for cousins haha! i think i consider him as my brother mainly because he's always been cheery. and we both have the same hobbies, likes and dislikes. other than him not liking spring onions, we have basically the same taste; wine, alcohol, music, shows, games, morals. so yea, it makes me happy to have seen him grow up to become who he is. and to know that at times, he'll be there for you. think we've gotten closer recently, and personally i think it's an interesting journey.

my mum thinks that the guy selling drinks in my canteen is pretty hip and cool. wonders if she has an eye for this kinda stuff haha! had a chat and then went up to continue doing some work before heading out to JP for dinner. had japanese ramen for dinner --> happy (:

i think watching too much of russel peters makes people somewhat racist. nonetheless it's all in the form of harmless words i suppose. sundays at JP. yep.

so after dinner, being full/happier, came back to continue muggin. heard a familiar ringtone, and well, pleasant surprise. haven't had her call me for a while (: thanks for the call. you remembered the wrong date, but honestly, it doesn't matter. we must meet up after your exams kay? and all the best for your sister's exam tmr! (: yours too (:

*grins* i'm not literally grinning now, it'd be scary. but in my heart i feel loved (: suddenly so many people (heh heh! altho it's only about 5) are surrounding me and cheering me on, i think i shall put my best too. for now, it's the last two days.

thanks for all the motivation everyone.

moving on to more depressing matters *hai* man u drew yesterday!

probably the only depressing matter haha!

i'll worry about the rest later. seems like i've a list of things i want to do already. and it's exceeding the size of my stickies. meanwhile i think i shall sleep. for the benefit of my roomie. all the best for your two papers tmr! *blinds* totally hilarious.

random 5 songs
1. Aozora (青空) - Lia [OST Air] (hmmm i'm wishing for clearer skies definitely. would wanna go up to ADM at least one last time before i leave for cambodia. please stop raining!)

2. Stuck In A Moment You Can't Get Out Off - U2 (*wonders*)

3. 一秒的天堂 - 梁靜茹 (sounds good :p but not feeling any now. maybe a bit today :p)

4. 天使心 - 林俊杰 (someone out there probably. doesn't sound like me now. haha!)

5. What We're All About - Sum 41 (there's something about us? hmmm~ haha!)

okay i shall stop being random and get some rest. i'll see ya tmr (:

so said the sun to the moon

just came back from running. it feels pretty surreal actually.

i think this would probably be the last time running with my roomie ard ntu until exams end. but yep, had a double cheezeburger to fill the stomach. feeling a lil' better to head on.

was asked a series of random questions. thought provoking if i might add. some puzzle pieces are not adding up.

i'm seeing a reflection of my old self standing right in front of me.

and it's stretching it's arms to me.

a reflection i know extremely well, that isn't a true reflection of what i wanted to be.

i realised i've been living too much in other people's perceptions. as i told him aptly, i lived by what people perceived of me previously. primary and secondary school etc. there's always someone telling me who i really was. who i really am. and somehow i got influenced by those thoughts and mentality, and that's who i became.

eventually as you move on in life, and you get thrown into a situation that shatters your very footing, you start to find bits of yourself that were actually remnants of who others are. i can see a very clear reflection of the pieces i've shed. some that i've ebbed from various people.

don't get me wrong, you guys are perfectly fine. it's just sometimes, you want to find a piece of yourself. and that's something that's really hard to find. at least for me.

i decided to give it a shot during university. step out of my confined boundaries of restricted thinkings and began to live my own life.

i would still say that i'm who i am, deep inside that's who i will be. but the way that things come now will be seen differently as before, as the reactions people seem to expect from me are what they received previously.

"the ambiguity that causes the flaunting heart"

i can still remember that clear statement. aptly put. aptly put.

i'm already stepping out step by step. when i look back, the people that have seen me before in a long time, will not recognise me anymore.

well, it's a risky step, but i'm finding it really interesting (:

*undo these chains bound by thee
and set thy soul free*

*so said the sun to the moon
you're bright only because of me!
but said the moon to the sun
that's only because i chose to be!*

random five songs
1. 突然想好你 - 五月天 (i wouldn't say anything about this (: )

2. No One - Alicia Keys (hmmm...)

3. Addicted - Simple Plan (haha!)

4. In Da Club - 50 Cent (eh...not really actually. different kind of club maybe?)

5. 疯子 - 许哲佩 (what! seriously no! am i? hahahaha~ )

untitled

so here goes another day. fast isn't it? in a while i'll be entering a december with a myriad of activities, so yea.

current free days : 29-30nov, 3dec, 5dec, 8 dec, 10-13dec, 25-27dec, 30dec (most prob not haha!), 31dec.

that's 14 days in 35 days. exactly 40%. and that's to be confirmed. that being said, these are the maximum number of free days. for now.

*well well*

life is short ain't it? so yea. a bit buah hiao pai but...

BOOK ME NOW WHILE YOU STILL CAN! hahaha!

i'm pretty amazed at how some people can come up with helpsheets that are in font size 4. and equally amazed that my printer can actually print font size 4. desperate times call for desperate measures i suppose.

meanwhile i think those who have watched anime would agree with me. rie kugimiya is...waah a freakin zai seiyuu lar! hahaha! must say she's really excellent in switching voices.

although sometimes i feel that money is a necessity, it, in some sense, like in dramas, tears families apart. i seriously hope that doesn't happen.

random 5 songs
1. can you celebrate? - 安室奈美恵. (hmmm not really at the moment...but soon i suppose. i feel like i'm caught in the middle)

2. would you be happier? - the corrs. (hmmm i would, if i could. haha! but what's with all the questions?)

3. NANANA - 王心凌 吴克群. (heh heh. sounds like a good idea to do that! but you know...*fiddles with toes*...i think this applies more to my family now lar)

4. I'm Here - Hiroko Taguchi [ost ~ef~ a tale of memories] (hmmm i know (: )

5. Wake Up Call - Maroon 5 (hmmm in a need of one to be honest. and i know i have to wake one person up tmr. jason you better! or else...grrr...haha!)

well that's for my five random songs. that's all for now. i swear my notes are playing tricks on me. or maybe it's just me. absorption rate slow. but yea. no worries. i think.

*quote from "take my hand"*

"I still remember the day we met
Back in that month of July
It was nothing but innocence
Never knew I could fly

Well, things went on and time flew past
So fast I couldn’t see
You opened me up like a cage of birds
And set my heart free"

time, time, time...

despite having time, this unproductiveness is simply unacceptable. damn slack lar. hahahaha.

meanwhile if people get shocked when they see me tomorrow, it's just because they've only seen me in university.

haha. don't worry. i didn't do anything radical.

i still miss it being long though. *sobs*

*hopefully by december it'll be back where it was, and then you can style it all you want haha!*

6 days (updated)

okay i'm just back from a tiring day. seriously. am having 1 x leaky nose right now, plus pre-sorethroat feeling. xianz~ oh wells.

meanwhile i can't say much about orchard. and the apple staff magically clipped in my adapter for my magsafe. so no replacement whatsoever. yea. sad but happy. made myself look like a fool i suppose. hahahaha~ but yep, apart from my words, here are some pics of orchard's lightings. or what it's supposed to be anyway.

a christmas tree outside wheelock...

..orchard crossing. hmmm it's hitachi everywhere......candy house outside taka......and a coke tower outside heeren!

granny's looking better. pretty amazed when her left leg moved, was pretty good improvement. even so i think there's still quite a way to go for her. nonetheless it's a good start. but yea at least she's looking a lot better. i guess that's kind of a relief for me, haven't seen her for some time. oh well, seems like mahjong doesn't seem like a long way down anymore (:

QoS was pretty darn good. but one caution, please watch casino royale before you catch this. or else you'll be catching nothing but mindless killings etc. that's all i hafta say. if not, it's really pretty darn good storyline and yea, good scenes here and there. ah i'm not making sense

so yep. leaky nose. tired. = sleep. sleep i shall. if i do see my fellow friend i shall bug him later for my cheatsheet. hahahaha kiddin!

*nothing actually (:*

Prepost-portion

*this is a pre-post of what is going to happen. things that are jotted down are currently still fiction, thus all comments posted will thus be biased. any resemblance to any identical persons dead or alive are totally not coincidental. yep.*

waah, what a tiring day it has been! this is the first time i've stepped out for so long since...since that shopping trip with jim i suppose. quite some time if i might say so myself. seems like i've been trapped in my own bubble. and yea, changes around town are definitely a sure reason to head down.

headed down to Apple flagship in the morning. well, there wasn't really an overtly long queue, and i wasn't there just to do nothing. wanted to fix my faulty magsafe port adapter, which somehow caused me to be lugging this extremely long cable towards ntu, hall and yea, lotsa places. they said they'll get me a new one and send it soon, but well, i'm sure it's going to take some time. maybe just like last time...a free laptop bag or smth haha! but yea, for the record, the macintosh and the apple rocks. my macbookpro has been working well with me throughout this period, and i'm seriously totally happy about it. no qualms with the mac osx. okay only one. mac to pc msn transfers are freaking slow. yep that's all i have to complain about. i think i made the right choice.

but yea, lotsa memories on this mbp actually. my first photoshopping experience (which i must say, not too bad *pats self*), been with me through some weird times and yea, it's probably my second or third love now. depends on what you view as love i suppose, but i cherish it for what it is. eeks make me sound like a technofreak...hahaha but yea, it's one of "my precious (speaks in smeagle's tone)" but not my most precious yet :p

well, took a walk around orchard, and the christmas decorations are up already! can you believe it? this year's lineup features red, green and gold...i totally have no idea what they are thinking. when i was younger it was really pretty, especially when you see the whole street lighted up with these kinda bright lights. makes you want to go overseas to celebrate the christmas. over the years, these lightings somehow became a bit~ i dunno, but common? not too sure how you'll put it, but i guess it's more normal now. anyhow, despite it's ritual and recurrence, must say these designers did a good job nonetheless. even though i might not appreciate it now, am pretty impressed by these people who want to infuse the christmas spirit into singaporeans in a large way. and to keep the hopes in kids that christmas can still be a fun one without all the snow.

although i would really love a white christmas. it's been one of my dreams. walking hand in hand in the snow. and then holding my palm out to catch a snowflake. smiling to myself and smiling to the person beside.

well, it's a young dream. been almost the same dream since i started to have my memory. it's just over the years, the people in the dream have become significantly bigger haha!

and so that ended my orchard escapade. solo escapade if i might add. i love shopping alone sometimes. weird as that might sound, but mainly because my shopping habits can sometime be a bit weird. like shopping for wine, looking for tech gadgets, and shopping at daiso. haha they sometimes sell the weirdest yet sweetest items. *starts sourcing for other people's birthday*

hmmm that aside, i headed down to my granny's place. she seems to be getting better, and could give me a smile. i really hope she gets well soon, to do what she likes to do. it's life. at this juncture, if it were me, i wouldn't really know what to do. should i carry on, or should i let go? if i were in pain, what would i do?

i somehow respect and admire her passion to live, because i don't know if i'll be able to during that juncture. i would say i'm an optimistic person now, but many years down the road, the trials and tribulations would probably drown me out. *i can hear some people screaming at the background, saying "my ass!" or something. haha i really don't know man~* but yea, i'm sure i'll be able to pull through.

wait. why am i thinking about this now? damnit. haha. without me being overtly weird and sounding like a freak, let me continue to more mundane topics.

went to catch quantum of solace with my parents at vivocity. i still don't understand the title though. quantum = basic unit right? so what's the quantum of solace? what units does it have?

*okay okay i get it! stop beating me already! i'm sorry! btw if you don't get it, it's a physics thing, so yep you can stop hitting me too.*

so yep, i shall not put any spoilers for you here. simply exciting. upbeat. action packed. although seriously, i still like pierce brosnon as bond. this guy is sophisticated. but simply put. old. i can still remember the old sean conary films. goldfinger. moonwalker, was it? yea...~ cool stuff. nonetheless, catch it in the CINEMAS (i know some of you are sniggering back in your comfy couch and computer screens when i say this. i know what you're thinking!) if you can. it's a pretty darn nice show.

had a good dinner at the place beside pageone *what's that called again...*. baked rice i had. which i must admit was pretty nice. again. how can baked rice go wrong anyway? not that i've tasted at least...must try to make one some day. i don't have the passion now, but i know i will have it. soon i suppose. haha.

well that ends my day. for now.

*then again, this entry is still a fiction of imagination. let's see how accurate it may be. am damn tired lar...now's only 1045 am...~ yawn~ i wonder how's my roomie back in hall. haha!*

*planning in progress. a headache if i might say so myself. but it's worth it (:*

slack.

well, today's my slack day. after 4 freakin papers in one week. my goodness. is that insanity or a show of my mugging prowess? what mugging prowess? ~.~

ahh. i feel suddenly free. yet i've so no idea what to do.

i've got a couple of ideas. but lazy to execute. then again, i'm supposed to be studying for my paper 7 days later!

*heck lar*

hahaha!

meanwhile i've been spending most of my time on my mbp, trying to clear my itunes playlist and making things neater. a tad of photoshop, it's pretty fun tho! i can totally see why shawn got addicted to it but yea, i like taking photos more than doing editing. although i think my first try wasn't really that bad. (:

cleaned the whole house. realised that mopping with different mops and room size makes a lotta different. especially where you have crevices occupied with things, and you're thinking to yourself if you want to mop the underneath or just heck. which defeats the whole purpose of cleaning. ah well but i feel satisfied and accomplished. although tired.

took my 2 hours afternoon nap, which i've not taken for a long time if i might add. hall limits it to 1 hour, not by regulation of course, but just because i wanna mug. or have time to do other things. when you have the luxury of time, you can lay around all you want. woohoo.

had a uber weird dream. 333+343+353. interesting yet...it's just weird. it was some kind of magical dream, seeing people i've totally never seen before. err...it was just weird. caterpillars, black magic and half death. i've no idea what a half death is but yea. it was pretty weird.

yep awaiting my dinner now. i'm starting to sound like a cat doing nothing lar. hahahahaha~ how i wish i could lead that kinda life. at the same time, i'm happy for being who i am. and what i'm doing.

i'm just tired. haha.

*i got charged two bucks for overstaying in an mrt. and the train uncle was laughing at me. wonders. haha!*

scanf("%s", &heart);

today's been pretty counter productive. and somewhat i felt like i nearly died yesterday. literally.

symptoms:
1. neckache starting at 10pm
2. headache starting from 6pm
3. worrying 'bout two papers (especially tues)
4. random thoughts/dreams
5. 2am sleep after hexic with roomie

tossed around for 1.5 hrs, took 2 panadol + neck spray. eh i mean sprayed my neck with salonpas, not consuming it. so yep, there went my 1.5hrs of pain. fortunately i'm feeling better now, or i'll probably be home sobbing.

and somehow we played room soccer today! damn fun. yea i know lar, exam stress right? i think so too. but yep after tuesday i'll be a slightly happier person. i think. haha!

thanks for the dinner dude. haven't seen you for a long time. not really, but i'm not too sure what's happening in your life, so yep, i'm really glad! (:

so said the fish to the sea,

that you're the only one i see.

the air is fresh, the sky is free,

but only with you, i can be me.

wake up call

today i found myself in a dilemma. 2 days to study for two papers. the paper that's further is harder, but if i do study everything i'll probably not touch the first.

*wonders*

i shall partition my time tomorrow. maybe having 2 selves is actually better after all.

meanwhile my parents popped by today. i'm amazed that they snapped up the western food before i even recommended them anything. and the soup was pretty awesome. peanuts. i'm still quite amazed at the amount i can eat without being able to grow fat. *although i know that i'm probably going to be skewered after i make that comment~ help!* but yep i love you all anw, so i'm pretty sure i'll be safe, right? *grins*

anyhow, i'm 2 chaps left for computing, 4 for materials. and i haven't started on my past year papers yet. xianz~ i'm damn slow lar.

i'm still a happy person though. awoken to (not by) a sweet message. totally made my day (: lalala~

*sometimes i stare into the skies, not looking for stars, but knowing that it's the same sky we saw together (: *

okays back to mugging. jiayou!

i so want to scream "i knew it!"

depressing paper. physics that is. i bet people can testify about that.

okay that's enough for the depressing part.

anyway, me and my roomie cleaned the room today! and now it's like squeaky clean. filed my notes and now ready to head out for the two other papers. ah. i like this feeling.

but anyway, it's a cold day. it's like this bubble that i'm worried about. i seem to be engulfed in this world of my own.

my ironical side of me is starting to come out again.

i want to be alone in my own bubble, yet at the same time, my otherself wants to hold on to something.

caught in between being alone and being socially engaged.

although i must thank those who pop by messages once in a while. if i seem not to reply you, please don't take it that i'm avoiding you. it's just this general feeling of sian-ness.

there are so many things i want to do right now.

but i'm just irritated that i can't.

*okays*

deep breath.

i shall leave it as that for now. oh meanwhile, if you're wondering if this is because of you, you, you, or maybe you, it's not.

it's a general feeling that's not targeted to anyone, so no worries, seriously. i'll be fine (:

break

ah. decided to take a short break from my pretty tiring studies. i think i've been almost cooped up in my room the whole day. reading physics. oh my goodness. the only time i saw the daylight were

1) toilet break
2) lunch break (where i tapoed anyway, my fav vegetarian fried rice! woots!)
3) boiling water
4) a nice freezing cold bath
5) throwing rubbish

that probably took like, a total of 1 hour? from 8.30 this morning. yea. tt totally sucks. i need a life man.

i think i shall go out and catch some air after tmr's paper. but today i shall be a hikikomori, long haired with a blanket over and hiding in the cupboard.

err not literally, but yea it's a social outcast. or something along those lines.

anw yea, let's see if the random song thingy still works. hmmm.

1) 消失 - F.I.R (err how apt. i've disappeared from the face of this earth?)

2) I Can't Go On - F.I.R (again?) (hmmm...yea i think so too.)

3) (I Wish I Knew How It Would Feel To Be) Free - Lighthouse Family (omg. tt's so darn true!)

4) Evolution - Ayumi Hamasaki (well, not really. i mean, what'd i wanna evolve to? altho i remember the sbs peeps having prob with evolution stuff yesterday haha)

5) What I Go To School For - Busted (wow. hahahahaha! not really liking a member of the staff tho, i think the title's pretty darn true)

well. i think that's all for now. till next time, if you catch a glimpse of me today, go buy 4D!

*wonders how you are (:*

*tired*

well, today's been my first paper. all done and everything. i would dare say i'm quite okay with the paper itself.

but ya. still pretty tired.

brain drained. emotionally drained. physically drained.

don't get me wrong, i'm not sad, emoing or anything. there's nothing for me to emo about to begin with i suppose haha.

i'm just really tired.

but ya, when i came back, my roomie greeted me with this email, and i think it lit up my day.

well, it's a forwarded mail, so ya, to avoid spamming i shall just spread it here.

WHAT LOVE MEANS TO AGE 4 TO 8 YEAR CHILDREN

'When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over and paint her toenails anymore.

So my grandfather does it for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis too. That's love.'

Rebecca- age 8

---

'When someone loves you, the way they say your name is different.
You just know that your name is safe in their mouth.'
Billy - age 4

---

'Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other.'
Karl - age 5

---

'Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of your French fries without making them give you any of theirs.'
Chrissie - age 6

---

'Love is what makes you smile when you're tired.'
Terri - age 4

---

'Love is when my mummy makes coffee for my daddy and she takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK.'
Danny - age 7

---

'Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you talk more.
My Mummy and Daddy are like that. They look gross when they kiss'
Emily - age 8

---

'Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you stop opening presents and listen.'
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

---

'If you want to learn to love better, you should start with a friend who you hate,'

Nikka - age 6
(we need a few million more Nikka's on this planet)

---

'Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he wears it everyday.'
Noelle - age 7

---

'Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who are still friends even after they know each other so well.'
Tommy - age 6

---

'During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my daddy waving and smiling.

He was the only one doing that. I wasn't scared anymore.'
Cindy - age 8

---

'My mummy loves me more than anybody

You don't see anyone else kissing me to sleep at night.'
Clare - age 6

---

'Love is when Mummy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken.'
Elaine-age 5

---

'Love is when Mummy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still says he is handsomer than Robert Redford.'
Chris - age 7

---

'Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you left him alone all day'
Mary Ann - age 4

---

'I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones.'
Lauren - age 4

---

'When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and little stars come out of you.' (what an image)
Karen - age 7

---

'Love is when Mummy sees Daddy on the toilet and she doesn't think it's gross.'
Mark - age 6

---

'You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it. But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People forget.'
Jessica - age 8

---

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once talked about a con test he was asked to judge.

The purpose of the con test was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his wife.

Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat there.

When his Mother asked what he had said to the neighbour, the little boy said,
'Nothing, I just helped him cry'

yepyep. the one that strikes me the most is "love is what makes you smile when you're tired." how true. not that i know what love truly is.

but i'm tired and smiling (:

tired.

the pages i flip show me pictures of things i don't want to see.

somehow these words start jumbling without any initiation.

weird things. i want to understand but i just can't.

when it comes down to this point you start to wonder.

what have i been doing that's wrong...

pretty much depressing actually.

some of these words really strike deep into me, mainly because it gives you more questions and things that you should've realised long ago.

but you didn't.

and probably didn't care.

well.

it's all come down to this.

i shall not hold back anymore.

these exams papers are pretty tough. hahaha! whatcha thinking abt? (: all the best for exams peeps.

the final lap

well, this is it. the final lap.

i'm already all set, left my comfy home and now settled in to prepare myself for the upcoming unknown.

well, i hope i'll be able to survive. my schedule's pretty tight. and i'm actually really happy that my parents are really supportive of me. after a great steamboat yesterday, a big match (although we lost) and a bit of family time, i think i'm all set.

i just feel rather irritated. feel like i'm been neglecting my family and getting too caught up in my studies. i really didn't mean to, but i did anyway. i'll apologise when i head back. and give you guys the time you guys deserve (: before i head out again anyway.

my dad was suggesting to come over for dinner. and that i relax while i study. taking walks. going jogging.

sometimes i seriously wonder if he's secretly stalking me haha!

or maybe i'm just like him in a different way.

honestly speaking, i look up to him. it's just sometimes we have quirks that make us not look eye to eye, but we love each other anyway. even if we don't say it.

*my random first song today! The Little Things - Colbie Calliat*

The little things, you do to me are,
Taking me over, I wanna show ya
Everything inside of me oh,
Like a nervous heart that, is crazy beating
My feet are stuck here, against the pavement
I wanna break free, I wanna make it
Closer to your eyes, get your attention
Before you pass me by

So back up back up take another chance
Don't you mess up mess up I don't wanna lose you
Wake up wake up this aint just a thing that you
Give up give up don't you say that I'd be
Better off better off, sleepin by myself and wonderin
If I'm better off better off, with out you boy

And every time, you notice me by
Holding me closely, and saying sweet things
I don't believe, that it could be
You speaking your mind and, saying the real thing
My feet have broke free, and I am leaving
I'm not gonna stand here, feeling lonely but
I don't regret it, and I won't think this
Was just a waste of time

So back up back up take another chance
Don't you mess up mess up I don't wanna lose you
Wake up wake up this aint just a thing that you
Give up give up don't you say that I'd be
Better off better off, sleepin by myself and wonderin
If I'm better off better off, with out you boy

[2x]
So don't just leave,
Leave me hanging on

The little things you do to me are
Taking me over, I wanna show ya
Everything inside of me oh,
Like a nervous heart that, is crazy beating
My feet are stuck here, against the pavement
I wanna break free, I wanna make it
Closer to your eyes, get your attention
Before you pass me by

So don't just leave, leave me hanging on

So back up back up take another chance
Don't you mess up mess up I don't wanna lose you
Wake up wake up this ain't just a thing that you
Give up give up don't you say that I'd be
Better off better off, sleepin by myself and wonderin (so don't just leave, leave me hanging on)
Better off better off, without you boy(so don't just leave, leave me hanging on)

So don't just leave, leave me hanging on
Don't just leave,
Leave me hanging on
Leave me hanging on
So don't just leave, leave me hanging on

(i don't really mind it though. let us be this way.)

mugging

literally my ass off!

damn it.

but at least i finished one subject, at least 95% with 5% uncertainty.

now on to the next.

jiayou peeps! we'll all enjoy after this (:

randomly listening to "if i were you" by collin raye.

"i wouldn't promise you the moon, but i promise to be here."

*sweet*

mind-blasting!

i feel so accomplished. woots! i finished 8 chaps of econs in 6 hours!

okay that's still a tad slow nonetheless, but yep, it's a great start. i can see myself finishing econs today. and then trying out past year papers. and then on to mat sci/phy/(dreaded) computing. so yep. seems like a good way to move.

it's a tad late to start now, but yea. i feel exhilarated that i've gotten back on track. and that's what makes it count.

*it's mind blasting! mind blasting i say! not mind blowing, that means you blow your mind. but mind blasting! it was top class! A1!* -haha!

i hope all you guys out there are already (you're supposed to be!) muggin hard and probably faster than me by now. but i'll catch up.

it's called the catch-up effect in econs.

woohoo! i remember!! hahahaha!

and i'm reminded of someone telling me this not too long ago. thanks grace. and i'm passing these exact words on to you.

*don't worry. it doesn't matter. i'll pre-worry about what happens now, and then you post worry can? two people worrying about the same thing at the same time means double effort, so stop worrying already!*

exhausted

i seriously feel like crap now.

physically and mentally. sadly.

the sleep debt i've accumulated, coupled by the heaty chocolates (it's not your fault) and together with the piled up work + stress if i might say so myself = bad.

my throat's been feeling scratchy n' sore, together with an irritable itch and a few swollen lymph nodes. that's on top of the already persistent flu. and now probably feeling all tired after some medication.

mentally wise, i believe i have been just putting too much pressure on myself. it's 1 week to exams, and yet some thoughts have been verbally spoken in my mind but not outside. it seems as though only half came out. am feeling kind of at a loss right now, with no aim in mind. and with things starting to speed up, time is of the essence. but it's not a luxury that i can enjoy anymore. projects are on a high, exams are eminent, and i'm even trying to venture into unknown territories.

maybe i was too ambitious about my contemplation and reactions. despite me seeking solace, that temporary comfort barely lasted me for a mere 2 hours. and somehow indescribable sadness and emo-ness set it soon after. i have absolutely no reason why (honest) but i'm searching for it.

maybe it's just the combination of the pilings and drillings, plus the toll of the past four weeks adding up together.

it's probably like the multiplier effect or something. if there truly was though, i believe that it would have been at least 10-20x. it's not something that i'm seeking to happen.

i shall take a rest today, forgo my prepared studies and forge on tomorrow. my eyelids can barely open. but that's just my eyes.

*stealing a glance at the already gone journey, i'm glad we've walked this journey together. no regrets. where do we go on from here?*

say what you need to say

well, i'm feeling somewhat superficially lighter for the moment. i think maybe it's temporary, but i believe it definitely has to suffice for now.

the silent nights have been a pain. what had yet to be spoken has definitely put a toll on my already deprived sleep.

the crashing waves. the feeling of sand.

walking barefoot.

and a feeling of release is somewhat a solace i'm actively seeking.

i wouldn't lie to myself anymore. i promise.

heartfelt gratitude.

thanks.

hiatus on hiatus

seems like i still need an outlet nonetheless. well, that probably isn't a bad thing either. i'm still smiling. it's just the turn of events that has landed us in this position.

i look into the sky today, only to realise that things will somehow be turbulent at a point of time. despite the calming sight of the cool winds. the sunshine. soon, it loomed into darkness, thundering with might.

well, that's not something that describes my heart at this point. i'm feeling happy, don't get me wrong. it's just that there's a value that seems to be randomizing. maybe it's because of all you, you, and you people's randomings. it's not just one person per se. so oh wells, i shall take your individual discrepancies into check.

i'm caught in the middle of listening to extremely happy songs, and extremely emo songs. and i know that none of them on my playlist fit the bill. it never has. let's see what are the next five songs on my playlist (believe it or not, i'm just really skipping five songs, not in any particular order or feeling)

1. give me novocaine - green day (hmmm i don't think i need it yet)
2. 我们之间 - 棒棒堂 (wait)
3. don't treat me like a fool - blue (omgwt(fish)bbq...hahahahaha that's so NOT what i'm feeling now)
4. somebody needs you - westlife (hmmm)
5. complicated heart - michael learns to rock (okay~ errr...)

from this, i can concur (i'm startled you even used the word concur correctly! hahaha) that apple reads my mind. erm if you're wondering. i randomly (no bluff) played these 5 songs from the few thousands of songs in my iTunes library. believe it or not, i'm serious.

haha anw i'm out to celebrate my dad's birthday. wish him well guys! (: smiles (:

starting

well, it's about that time and i still can't get down to studying! eeks! ohmytian.

it's just been wrong. so wrong. usually at this point of time i would be digging the books like nobody's business. hahaha~ o wells.

anyway, till then, this site shall be on hiatus.

"we'll see how things go ya?"

what time is it?

the past week showed my how fragile life could be. as if i haven't understood it since 3 weeks ago. i know things happen, but it's just too crammed up.

life full of random melancholies. but you manage to shake them off anyway. (:

meanwhile my target to hit the books have somewhat been pushed back. nonetheless i would dare say i should start partitioning myself, one for social and shift more towards studies. it's never a good balance, but i guess tt's always better than me not concentrating. the unspoken thoughts will have to just suffice being silent for now, and stored away. don't ask why or what, i always have them (:

one day after all this is over, i think things would be clearer. i can't absorb more than two things at a time now. it's just slowing down. i shall pray that this week would be wonderful.

i think it will be.

all this will have to suffice.

it has to suffice.

it better suffice.