cambodia footprints 2008. swee!

thanks, everyone, for everything (:

thanks. for everything

i'm just feeling rather thankful at this moment. many people say that your 21st birthday is special. well, i had something against that. i mean, it's just like any ordinary birthday right? nothing special, just the coming of age.

then i realised, your birthday will only be special, if you think of it to be.

now i believe, and i really felt that this birthday, is the most meaningful and happy one, till date (:

but i shall not describe it now. i just want to take this entry, to thank the people who have lighted up my life.

1. my parents
i think i owe a lot to them. that goes without saying. in the sense, they have been with me through my 21 years. and never once have they ever given up on me, despite my misgivings, my quirks and everything. it's one thing to be parents, but being great parents is not something easy. i'm really grateful for everything that they have provided for me, and i really appreciate and will try my best to become the son you want me to be! (:

2. my relatives
my grandparents are the sole reason why i have my parents right? haha! and yea, i think i really look up to them as role models. their strength through adversity and persistence is something that i really want to become. i spent most of my time at my grandparents when i was younger, and i guess i'm part of them (: my 大姑妈 as well, she took care of me when i was younger, and she's been really accomodating of me. even throughout the years, she's been wishing me well and i'm really lucky to have her to take care of me. my uncles and aunties have brought their side of joy into my life too...especially during our usual gatherings, dinners and birthdays. it's really fun to be around all of them~ uber hilarious sometimes if i might say so myself! i love all of you guys!

3. my cousins
especially these two guys. zhiyeu and yisin. i must say that we've been through quite a bit. not as in pain or everything, but you guys have played an important part in my life. our usual mahjong meetings, and sometimes emo sessions haha! i'm just really glad that at times, despite me being busy, you still try to make an effort to ask how i am and asking for meetups. really happy that i have such wonderful brothers like you! woohoo! (:

4. my friends.
it's a very big group of people on facebook. haha! kidding lar, but i believe all of them have managed to shape a part of my lives. my character and personality. my secondary school friends, my jc classmates, maldivians, army dudes, ndp peeps, ntu people, cambodian footprinters (newly added!) have changed my life. in more ways than one. being the solace that i seek, being the fun that i receive, and being there when i need them (: i really thank all of you and hope that i have made an impact on your lives too! (:

5. my life
now at this point, you must be going, your life? well, i'm thankful because it has given me so many opportunities to meet so many great people. people that i know i will continue to cherish and be part of my life, and also the opportunities that it has given to go different places, do different things, and be myself (: i think the 21st birthday was not the celebration of age, but the celebration of my life (:

yep that's for the thanks. please smack me if i have missed you out. really sorry abt that! but thank you at the same time, you readers, you have really made blogging extremely fun and fulfilling. woohoo!

five random songs
1. the sun - maroon 5
hmmm my life really feels bright now! think it's really fun and yea, i have a clearer direction in what i really want (:

2. ready, steady, go! - L'Arc-en-ciel
hahaha of course! i'm moving forward.

3. kimi no koe (your voice) - Kawashima Ai
i would say i hear voices now! of the hearts that are beating and resonating as one (:

4. kaze no iro march - Oranges & Lemons
color of my sky! i'm heading forward. it sounds a little to scary and optimistic right? haha! but i like my life this way.

5. London Beckoned Songs About Money Written By Machines - Panic! at the Disco
hmmm i'm not too sure about london, but i think songs should be sung more from the heart. too bad i didn't have my voice yesterday! footprints in the sand!

underneath the stars (:

first of all, merry christmas to all of you! i believe it sure has been a rather interesting 2 weeks for all of us. at least it was wonderful for me!

throughout the ten days in cambodia, i was looking more into soul searching and also the improvement of lives. lives as in cambodian lives and our own lives. honestly i felt that i didn't achieve the latter (own lives) because i felt i didn't have the personal touch. soul searching wise, i found a lot of answers.

i'm someone who thinks too much, if you haven't noticed by now. it's not something good nor bad, it's just who i am. at this juncture, i felt i was strained in some areas, and pulled tighter in others. but in any case, i guess i learnt about the relationships i cherish, the way i treat people and how i feel about others. i see the world differently now.

i never knew i would cry because of you. and you. and you. it's my life you guys have.

but anyhow, i still would want to keep this trip a teaser. until you guys have seen the video, which should speak basically everything. (: if you want to leave your footprints in the lives of others, say aye! (: woohoo!

tadaima! footprints woots!

i'm back! finally! woohoo! i must say it has really been a rollercoaster ride for me this trip. a ride of emotions when looking at the cambodians, looking at our trippers and looking at myself.

i shan't go on to the trip yet, am seriously tired at the moment, but would just like to share a few things. when i picture myself back 10 days ago, and the me 10 days later, i would dare say that i have changed. i've found my passion and i've found my drive to carry on. and things for me are very different now.

my heart is calm now. but i'm just really glad i'm back. i set out trying to find myself during the trip, only to find a reflection of the people in the rubbish dump looking at me.

there were quite a bit of tears, emotions, and angsty moments, but i'm alright. the tears of joy i cried were well worth it. and these tears are the testament of the people's lives that have connected with mine.

thank you for believing in me. i shall believe in my own light too.

final stretch

maybe it was great to have that premonition after all.

when you realise you are going to lose it all, it makes you all the more happier to win it all back.

anyhow, i'm finally away from hall. love the place and peeps, but i'm just exhausted from the little things. meanwhile, jeanette, if you're reading this, bless you. sorry about everything yea?

"the 2 bestest people for the post. and they can’t commit. the previous appointment holder is leaving like forever the other has too busy a schedule."

sorry. haha!

meanwhile i shall soak myself in the memories before heading out. sitting here in my humble adobe (is that how you spell it?) and sieving through my life, even though i'm supposed to do work. no inspiration is how you spell it i suppose.

but yep. i'm really looking forward to coming back. i really am.

then again, camping over at the airport would probably be an interesting idea at the same time. i've decided, my mac is going over with me. (: the funniest part is that my cousin has this urge to spend time with me, and i personally feel it's really sweet (: together with the rest of the peeps to cambodia, what a weird fella he is. but i love him anw (:

my cravings : sushi kikuzawa
my music : superman (it's not easy)
my thoughts: tired
my wants : sleep

it's probably a good idea if there's an auto backpack packer. lugging thru tons of clothes and stuffing them into ziplock bags isn't exactly the most welcoming idea. hmmm.

well.

i am scared. but i'll move on anyway. whatever life has entailed for me, i'll welcome it with open arms (:

this is me

the time : 3.18.
the face: uber tired
the want: sleep
the need: sleep
the thought: sleep
the tomorrow: busy

okay not making sense. maybe i should just do what my boss does haha. let's see.

okay i can't think anymore. seriously uber tired. hafta pop by many places and meet ppl too. ack.

my inconsistencies

so here goes a week. 1 more week, and i'll be off. nothing prompted me to say this, and i'm not having any premonitions, but i don't want to have regrets.

not now. not anymore.

phew

just woke up after an uber long slumber. had only 1 hour of sleep over fri and sat, so yea, had a full 10 hours of sleep just now. tt's how life should be right...haha!

but yea, i'm actually still rather tired. both brain drained and physically drained. the thought of taking my IPPT this tuesday isn't in any way appealing. i think this week's pretty packed already, but i shall spare some time to spend with people before i fly off. think i need a bit of social life before i leave. the "me" at this point last year would have told me to just go, but the "me" now has slightly changed i suppose.

but besides the point, i think the past week was immensely fun, if not tiring. the random side of me came out umpteen times and i'm sure some have experienced my wrath over the span of the week. thank you for understanding, and i'm really sorry because i've been caught up in my own things for way too long to be considering yours.

so that's that for now. my life has been thrown up into topsy turvy spin cycles, and hopefully soon, it will come to a rest. in a sense now i'm thrown into a new environment with so many new people. it's fun and enjoyable, but sometimes you inevitably miss the people who have supported you through this while. i know they're there, but it's just sometimes i don't make enough effort to meet up. so again, i apologise for that. haha i know i've been caught up in too many things myself, but hope you guys understand yea? i think the main party i have to apologise to is my parents. seriously not much time spent with them, so yea, hope to treat them before i leave. can't make up much for it, but nothing's more valuable than a family dinner together (:

speak with love
see with love
serve with love

i think i can remember the motto and things like that upside down inside out. haha!

footprints in the sand

it's been a rather busy week~ in the midst of my 2 hour break at the moment. so yep. again thanks to those who have visited this site day by day, waiting for any updates. haha! meanwhile probably this week will be sparse with posts, and the following week too. so please do bear with me yea? (: actually i don't really care if anyone does read this anyway. haha kapoh freaks! kidding lar! (: it's probably something that keeps me writing, the power of words, it's something no picture can describe. they say a picture paints a thousand words, but one word encompasses such a diverse amount of emotions and thoughts, so definitely it must be something deeper than just a single word. (:

the unfolding of this week was somewhat like butter spread over different pieces of bread. not something that i would want to do on a daily basis...but i must say it has been tiring/emotional/funny/weird. for the cambodia trip i think we're almost there, as long as they don't change our plans every once in a while. headache lar seriously. but i must say that the planning's been freakin hilarious. well here's a short quiz for you. looking back at your childhood, have you played all of the below? if not, please, GET A LIFE!! WHERE'S YOUR CHILDHOOD! haha!

1. skipping
2. top spinning
3. marbles
4. erasers (not rubbers, mind you)
5. kuti kuti <-- i bet you don't know what this is! 6. chaptehs 7. paper aeroplane 8. hopscotch erm yep. that's abt it that i can think of offhand. police and teeth (haha abridged version of police and thief) and catching are not counted! because some still play them now, wonders why. haha! so yep, i must say that the meeting went on pretty smoothly, although i slightly started dozing off towards the end. and you guys had to laugh lar! can't believe it. don't worry, i won't sleep during pre-camp. wait. i think i'll take that back haha! catcha guys this friday yea? (:

when sometimes, people become too persistant on pushing their ideas, and trying to confirm it many times, it's kinda irritating. we know what you guys want to ask, but you just wouldn't stop asking until you get what you wanted to hear. can understand why you were irritated at that moment. somehow was a clear reflection of what happened for my case too. anyway, take things as it is. why don't you believe us? weird peeps. but haha, i dare say whoever is about to ask this question again is going to get some dousing haha! again and again and again.

then carried on the second day. pretty fun i must say, but it's a tad weird when we searched the whole of PS looking for stockings (of all things right!). secret recipe. burger king. and our few usual laughs. and i must say that someone's sense of style is pretty darn good (: haha! we must have more of such outings lar! erm not looking for stockings of course! (:

and then came wednesday. spent a whole day in hall when it was supposed to be only till evening. thanks to someone who digressed (haha!) and technically speaking our meeting lasted from 2.30pm to 2.30am. a funny person you are. but it's amazing when you can see the spark in someone's eyes when they switch between topics. haha personally i think you're a pretty amazing person.

randomly i'm quite tickled by the fact that over the course of the past few days, so many people have asked me a certain question. it seems as though they collarborated and tried to peer pressure me into submission. haha! why do so many people want to know about it? i have absolutely no idea. maybe it satisfies their inner desires and curiousity and maybe something else. but it's just hilarious. for once, i feel the spotlight's on me, and it's like the whole world is waiting for an answer. why why why?

although this time, it's a bit different. i'm not going to say anything. whatever that you guys think it is, it is. whatever not, it isn't. words that come from my mouth, to the world, don't really matter anymore.

what i told you is enough. and what we know is enough.

I promise you
I'm always there
When your heart is filled with sorrow and despair
I'll carry you
When you need a friend
You'll find my footprints in the sand

meanwhile for the people who are like *waah that's so cheezy lar!* after reading through this whole entry, you're probably right. but i must say you guys did put in a lot of effort. no prize for guessing either, but it's whatever you think it is, or whatever you don't think it isn't (: maybe i'll do something about it (: