the mad rush. right here, right now.

it's two days before the end! ahhh! back to school again! can you imagine the horror, the fear and the apprehension!

okay lar. i'm quite used to this cycle already. but i must admit, this recess has really been more or less a recess for me.

amidst all the busy times doing up the model, 3am nights doing justifications, teaching tuitions, planning issues, i think it was important for me to fork out some time for social bonding. guess it is more of a necessity rather than anything, mainly because i need people to survive. those important to me, especially.

sadly, it's not everyone whom i can say "let's meet up!", so yep, some suffered at the expense of others. and i guess it really starts to reflect the lifestyle that i will be having soon. well, let's take it on a more positive note, i'll just have to plan my time accordingly yea?

-.-

2 zoo trips, 1 surprise party, 1 kbox party, 1 family gathering, 2 surprise gatherings, 1 project's dinner.

realise that i have met you more than 50% of the gatherings. haha but i must say i do enjoy your company a lot. too many insights, and even though we argue sometimes over seemingly issueless issues, we still have fun in the end. being too logical is starting to be my bane.

but it has been normalised by random weds. so no worries.

either way, it has all come to a grand end.

the masterpiece is complete, now it's just time to put things into action. haven't been really productive, but right here, right now, starts the mad rush.

goodbye freedom. for now. i'll look forward to our meetings for breakfast, and the emo sessions, maybe temple visits, and many other funny outings.

to all of you, it has now begun.

the fat bird has spoken, and now we shall fight.

the next chapter.

so there went the dogg. and that signal the end of one chapter.

although i must still emphasize that the next chapter has just begun. i have finally bought a new notebook. i think these are things that really interest me surprisingly. you never hear of guys liking notebooks nowadays, but that's not my concern here.

i guess the notebook was supposed to be my diary. daily entries of my life that seemed coherent at one particular point of time. and at the same time, a reflection of myself. the entries now however are getting too politically correct. wonder if that's how my behavior has changed over time. it's a nice reflection going in awry directions when you start reading. amidst all the formulas and calculations, project meeting notes, schedules and countdowns. not forgetting some drawings which i think are rather worthy of praise. most not by me, of course.

but either way, it's interesting. every change is never a negative change.

every ending is a new beginning.

and every closed chapter only opens a new one.

so here it goes again. the green book. i'll follow you thru.

and yea. to the person who mentioned i'm extremely emo, you don't wanna know. haha.

it's just i haven't found anything interesting to note yet. thus spread the randomness. which usually turns out emo. so yep.

*whee!*

to you

*points 1 finger to self*
*points 2 fingers to my eyes*
*points 1 finger to you*

there's nothing here yet, so shoosh. wait till my inspiration comes back can?

oh yea. and i need a topic for today. how?

and meanwhile, this is nostalgic. and totally funny. it's ancient, it's lame, but it's a good watch to destress. honest!

light a candle, say a prayer.

caught in the midst of my work amongst everything else. but still, i'll say a little prayer for you.

today i accomplised what i wanted to. and i must say my sleep endurance has somewhat increased. either way, i'm looking forward to tomorrow. even though it'll be a day full of contradictions.

i'll just hope there's no bloodshed tomorrow. and that we don't have to make our move.

but either way, i think it shall be safe.

meanwhile, my white jacket is starting to get dirty. *sighs* looks like it's time for a wash, and for the black pullover to come out from the closet.

random wednesday has already arrived. so let's see where my creativity brings me today. (:

i actually want to think more about certain things at the moment, but time does not spell well.

altho i must dare say it's not easy.

not anymore.

the past, the present, the future.

since random wednesday has been part of my life, it really made me look back on the things i wrote previously. long stories and pretty corny parts too. despite the mentality difference and the context, somehow i can still relate to what i'm writing then. probably only i can do that haha! but i know that there are some people who have made a difference to my thoughts. probably at that point of time, but yea.

now, the girl's attached, and these two people have also moved on with their own individual lives. i don't owe it to them that i'm here now, but i know at those points they have guided me along. pretty surprising that the other bugger didn't give me any quotes haha! so here goes

“You never know how they might react to these simple words. So no matter what the outcome is, at least you won’t regret not telling." - Fiona

"Follow your heart." - Liqi

simple and sweet.

and to minhow who has also done quite a part. *attempts to blackmail him* i still have 2 of your stories with me haha! (: but yea, those were funny times.

it's quite a read now that i think of it. how the story was shaped, and how the tears slid when i was typing out these long essays.

i want to feel like that again. with inspiration oozing out from all ends. and may the randomness spread without any conseqence. after all, it's confined to my laptop anyway.

"Walking down Rue De Lac, my mind drifted apart towards the rustling of the maple leaves. It seemed as if the wind were blowing me away and I felt weightless. The past few weeks had been tiring, and this sudden invigoration led me back to my normal self. The familiar smell of fresh air, the indisputable silence and also the feel of nature, all so familiar to me. Opening my eyes, my mind was cleared and the life I wanted was back in my hands once again. Skipping, I hummed a joyous tune which was a refreshing addition to the silence."

toodle-doo. i want to start writing again. what i like. wherever i like. whenever i like.

*snaps fingers*

back to reality and work. jiayou *attempts to imitate one of my hall peeps, but failed in the attempt*

3 people, 3 hours, 3 days

well, yesterday was valentine's day. before i spread out to the otherside, it was great time spent actually. for the first time i could sit down and do my homework. and getting my hands cut. but yea, tt's just the sidelines.

for the first time in the history of our tuition, the boy was quiet. haha. surprising but true. usually with random topics about "ce-ling (the china top)" and schools, and fighting, but he's still a good kid deep down. i know it. and no, i'm not a pedophile by any means. so yep, i think i'll test him some stuff next week. provided i get to see him next week. and remind me to work out the schedule for thursday eliz, i've some event at night. so yep, it's quite the jialat. sorry abt tt.

so there was a request for a skype chat. think he secretly loves talking despite him being an introvert. and he sure can crap a lot more than normal people. still, it was random as usual, with the usual vocabulary being used again, and soon mich came on. actually quite a lot of memories to be honest, as the 3 of us went thru quite a lot if i might say so myself. the project cell meetings, team bondings, and the trip itself. we even skyped together with most of us sleeping in the end, but that's besides the point.

so that soon evolved into a conference call, and then when skyped proved too much for us to handle with mich's mic parroting our speech, we decided to do a phone conference.

for 3 freakin hours.

haven't talked that long since that time, but yea. 3 people, 3 hours. and i had to switch between multiple listening positions on the chair, to the wall, to the floor.

and seems like someone's going to ride the pony. poor pony.

wonders why sometimes things happen like this. it's interesting but. yea. different from our daily lives. well. this is to top it off after random weds. (:

sideline, darren is flying off in 2 days time. *sighs* 1 dogg lost. not that we didn't lose anyone else along the way. we're all busy in our different areas. one's striving hard in smu and has an aim, the other's 2 are in nus; one is being controlled while the other has girls falling all over him. all over, like an overwhelming fountain. yep.

and me?

humbly sitting here waiting for delivery. and worrying about logarithms, functions, psychological models, magazines and whatnots. and a couple of other things that'll bore your socks off.

let's see what happens on weds. between then and now, there's a lotta patching to do. pray for me.

dango.

being the wine lover that i am, i could never refuse a driven dinner to dempsy. you're talking about a place where wine flows like water. in the end, it was not to be.

but we ended up at 1 rochester instead. good grief!

if you've never heard of 1 rochester before, it's this place with numerous atas bars and restaurants. awesome ambiance, awesome service, and at an awesome price. still, it was awesome.

with the roomie, the kaptain and me.

good company i must say. had quite a long chat. until i had to take a hiatus to the atas toilet. haha! their valentine's dinner there cost 120++ per pax, sounds reasonable for someplace that has quite the reputation.

despite the fact that it faced directly opposite the NTU alumni. and the lousy parking.

well, 2 bottles of wine, 2 ala carte tapas, and yep that sufficed us for the night.

must admit i'm better with hard liquor than the wine. still, two rieslings, with one being an inniskilin late harvest, was awesome. (:

i forgot to say this, but thank you. remind me to treat next time can? take care! (:

totally forgot.

today's friday the 13th. yep.

but yea, i must say that the previous week has been rather interesting. many interesting opportunities popped up, many new discoveries. and many new people. as i'm in the midst of completing psych, i shall keep this short.

went out with my roomie for a shopping trip after tuition. must say the tuition sapped out most of my much needed energy. haha you know who you are lar...but yea, i think you really can do it. just have more confidence and put more heart into it and you'll be fine. really. meanwhile, it's a pity your sis is flying soon, didn't see her around in school lar. miss ya stead!

and i met christine while rushing for the train today. quite an interesting sight when someone shouts "partner" all of a sudden. and then you turn around and before you know it, you're both split into 2 trains. last time we met was probably on my birthday, so yea, it's pretty long, and i'm a bit sluggish in my movements now haha!

will be meeting one of my ol pal's from the army tmr. okay lar, ol pal might not be a wonderful term, but i'm looking forward to more crapping and more rubbish. even though i would love structure at the moment. it's something that i beckon for progress.

meanwhile, i think i can join the price is right and own the show lar. i guessed the priced of the stuff we bgt at ntuc to 5cents. and there's this huge touchscreen at the singtel shop. humongous. i want to have something like that in my house next time for all the light controls lar.

meanwhile thanks for the appreciation and affirmation. it really means a lot to me. next weds, let me see what i can come up with ya? (: after my psych survey that is *sighs* but yea it'll be fun (:

i think i need to start haunting people for the money they owe me. seriously. before they all go missing. again.

we both agreed that it's better to sacrifice something for the sake of betterment. and sometimes informing people what they should know might be harsh, and it might not be right, but it might be a signal to them at least.

*prays you find your mp3 player*

so it's time to go back to work.

meanwhile i just fell in love with another song. always an emo song yea? haha!

杨丞琳 - 冷战 - 半熟宣言

你把我当成石膏
再不跟我吵
是不是一种预告
假装都看不到
不再重要
我不会再跟你闹

无言是一种毒药
更像一把刀
解开我们的拥抱
到底爱剩多少
需要思考
承诺随爱蒸发掉

不想再当配角 安静让我动摇 我想逃跑

我听到你冷战的心跳 两败俱伤的记号 闪躲不了
我知道莫名其妙求饶 也不会是解药 不如弃权走掉
面对冷的空气 冷的场面 冷到昏迷 难道我真的快窒息
冷战到何时能平息 放我离去

就让回忆停止呼吸 沉迷

solace (11/14/08)

The thundering rooftops
Clashing in perfect unison
Crisp yet lingering
Shatters the perfect silence

Winds howling
Brisk yet strong
And with a deathly sound
Fear instilled

The first drop of rain
Unusually comfortable
The solace it brings
Resonates deeply in this soul

“Pitter patter, pitter patter”
And them “Wham!”
It showers down like needles
Yet he feels no pain

Searching for a path
In this dilapidated land
Trying to open the door
Only to find another wall

Totally drenched and wet
He finally collapses
Wondering why he’s wandering
And numbed with no pain

He seeks warmth
He wants to feel loved
In his soul, however
Is nothing, frozen in stone

Unknowingly, he stabbed himself
Unsure of where he is
He thinks he thinks too much
But his heart says “nay”

And then it was gone
The feelings, the pain
That’s when a outstretched hand
Realised here lay an old friend

i guess the inspiration for this one came from something i saw at that point of time. though it was sad, but there are people like these waiting for us to reach out to.

with those lines i take in my hand, and with the pen and paper that you held me to, i'll continue writing. thanks for the encouragement (: i might have just found a separate calling.

something worth writing for. something worth dying for.

something that meant something.

intangibles

intangibles
1. happiness
2. space
3. satisfaction
4. love
5. dreams

someone asked me if all these are linked. they are, in fact.

but it's still intangible.

"the open grass is waiting, and the space is limitless. how far we run is not a matter of distance, but a matter of time, as that would be when everything comes full circle."

multitudes of senses

in 30 mins i'm supposed to head downstairs to help. but for the first time my body refuses to even move to the bathroom.

1. peeling skin. uber painful, not to mention the aesthetic aspect, but that's the least of my concerns.
2. 1 x bad flu. leaking nose from morning. looks like mr sinus is back once again
3. headache. *yawns* at times like this i really wish i could just lie in bed, and it peter off.
4. just really tired. both mind and soul are out of sync.
5. at the moment, i just want to be a hikkikomori. just for once. today. お願いします

私はすごく嬉しです。ドキドキね。
でもね、あなたの心は何でしょうか。
僕は心本当に痛いです。

メロコー myself
どうして思い出にできないんだろう
遠すぎて近すぎて届かないよ
忘れよって　思えば思う程
君が大きくなってくよ

どうして　こんなに好きなんだろう
君の声　悲しい程　響いてるヨ
今まで何が支えだったか
遠く離れてわかったよ

okay. the corner is over. the stage is set. i think i shall head down alr. laters*

a beautiful mess

well. the ambiguity that causes the flaunting heart. like i told you yesterday.

and the words i wanted to, but didn't say.

and the sunrise or sunset along the seas.

it's something that we shared and was real.

it might seem like a plea of a dying man, but it's neither a petition nor a claim. it's just something that i wanted to say. why now, i don't know either.

but it just felt right this way.

something to get my mind of the daily dosage of knowledge, and the intricacies of what our lives entailed.

i'm one who cherishes photos, but they are merely pictures we can always throw away. it's the memories, however, that stay dear to me at times of need and randomness.

definitely is a beautiful mess.

it's like a white canvas being splashed with red paint. both the canvas and red paint are important, and they come as a package. but what if you could choose either to paint your house with the paint or use a different color for the canvas?

and the trash the contains golden elements that surprise us from time to time, and making scavengers actually wealthier than us in many different ways.

we all seek our own happiness, but at the course of it we tend to lose focus on the main things we want to achieve in life.

so i guess this message was merely just a signal of direction, and not a proposition.

well, i have changed drastically for the past year, yet retaining the bare values that hold me together. many decisions i have made in the end ended up to be terrific, while others have drowned me in hot soup.

what a beautiful mess it is.

picking up trash in dresses, you say.

i think so too.

temperature rising

arm skin temp : 34.3 degrees
neck skin temp : 35.4 degrees
body temp (tongue) : 36.0 degrees

ohmytian. i'm so screwed.

i think i got a lotta souvenirs today.

1. a beautiful burn
2. with an untanned portion in the middle of my left arm
3. 4 GB of photos
4. memories of going further offshore than anything else haha!
5. a wavy feeling in my mind, throbbing up and down atm.
6. a cut on my left toe which was shockingly painful for something so small
7. seawater on my pouch
8. a kayaking comm armband
9. a full stomach with yusheng, maggie mee and kfc chicken + liang teh and chrysanthemum tea
10. slightly more muscles? very little.

the choppy seas. how apt.

drop dead. right now.

still squashed/squished at the moment. it's quite interesting, but i really want this week to be over. by this week i mean tmr and the day after tmr. and probably the two other days after that. i need some desperate air. like real time to sit down to study and try to defrag my brain at the same time.

i'm considering, and i've considered. count me in, i'm willing to start something new. and i desperately want to mould something with my own hands too. not so soon though, gimme a few months can? a cause worth fighting for, and a new direction to reach with out our hands.

i'm contemplating on donating blood, but i'm really wondering if there's any weight limit. i'm scared of needles and i'm a bit worried as it's my first time, but it's all for a good cause. yep i believe so. and i know it will be.

my dear team leader just put out a really nice quote which i'd like to share. think it's really apt, and i guess i would want to work that way too. probably not at this moment but yea, it's something worth putting time aside for.

"If there is a child you love with all your heart and wants the very best for him/her, how will you want him/her to live? That, maybe, should be how you should live yours :)"

When we love, it isn't because the person's perfect, it's because we learn to see an imperfect person perfectly.

afternoon naps are for pigs

that's what my roomie just said. just before he slept 5 mins ago. dots. haha!

well, it's the 8th day once again. yep i managed to get the things i wanted done just now, so now's just to carry on where i left off.

*takes a deep breath*

yesterday was fun. the day before too. not to mention too days before. altho my parents thought i went out to party (*ahem* party in the dogg tone) when i actually went to do crowd control. and the carlton hotel has this nice duo playing music on saturday night. i found new people who had the same random cravings as me, certain impulses and also similar situations. either way, it was wonderful. and meaningful. hopefully sustainable but definitely long term. haha! uttering projects evaluation here...which i must admit was kinda fun.

in the end it boils down to what i really want. what i want to achieve. the motives that i have. and the impact i want to make. hmmm. it's either carrying on where i left off, or starting something i want to complete from scratch.

but yea, there's been one point that's been bugging me actually. haven't really spent much time with you atm...really sorry about that. there are a lot of things i want to say but the words are just stuck where they are. either way, it's been an interesting path till now. i had a dream this morning about that walk by the beach. vivid. reminds me of how things started actually (:

and what you said was absolutely true. i didn't know you had the same situation. maybe i should ask more. after all, you're someone who has changed my life. and if i'm following you, it's not because you asked me to, it's because i wanted to. so don't worry too much about it aye? (:

i'm going for the mayday concert. that's a big risk i'm taking at this moment. hopefully dn'd's not on the same day. cousin outing again haha! and the person who missed the first and second one. yea.

6 days. 12 days. 16 days. 20 days.

wish i had more time with you too tho. if only i hadn't had the test today, we might be chilling out with kahlua. but the cockburn's white port was awesome if i might say so myself (: let's see if during the recess we can make up for our lost mahjong sessions.

i miss and missed the sunrise. i don't know why, but it seems to matter more now actually. and why is everyone so surprised that i got back my voice. didn't get to talk to you guys yesterday tho. although i remember the funny sight of some dogg showing bah kua to my muslim angel. damn funny. and he was waving it with the glistening eyes haha!

to have a carpark underneath your house is darn cool. then again, to have a carpark just on the ground floor of your house is cool enough. not to mention having an attic. and a nice mother who sleeps late. oh and pineapple tarts too. remi martin? naah~ i still prefer my grand marnier anytime.

but it was all in the name of clean fun. and a rather emo night.

i hear people playing blackjack at the background. oh wells. haha my account's closed liao.

it's still chinese new year isn't it? (:

today's been a rather floaty day. 2 people were a bit irritated at me for not replying their waves, but i really didn't notice. either way i'm still floating around. and later too. table tennis. argh. but supporting my roomie would be more than enough reason to go down.

which brings me to the point. nadal won federer 3-2. it was closely contested but i'm not going to write another article here. either way it was excellent play. seemed like ping pong at one juncture tho. haha!

meanwhile, manchester united is 2 points clear of liverpool with 1 game in hand. woots!

ahh. i should save this randomness for wednesday. but it's been inching out of my brain through my fingers bit by bit.

objectiveness

well, it's the 8th day of the chinese new year and apparently there's still the festive spirit in me. woots!

too festive perhaps to get me back into the mood of reality. settling stuff, articles, homework.

but yep. for the next 1.5hrs i'm going to finish chionging some of my stuff. hopefully i get at least 50% done. mata ne (:

i will follow you. not because you asked me to, but because i wanted to. it's a huge hurdle, but i'm sure with you, we'll go through it together. (: