getting freaked out.

like seriously. i wish i were invisible at this times.

okay. only once.

meanwhile the birthday party was AWESOME. simply kickass, altho i had to walk around to mingle with people whom i've never met, and ya, so many females! is the male population shrinking or what!

i think that's a stepping stone for both of us too. you know what you want, and i'll pursue my own direction as well. it's still my concern lar, the nil outcome, but well, i'll not search for it nor forbid it. if it comes, it comes, you know?

may you be blessed as well. and better meet for dinner soon k? or else!

i saw a reflection of what could be at that instant, just like polaroids. simply amazing. reflections of our past which has somewhat etched in my brain. i realise that my past wasn't tt unloving anymore. (:

and how fragile everything could be. like a thread which is stretched on both ends but held up slowly. no matter how slow it is, the thread will never be straight unless we make and effort to support our two pillars.

i don't know what i'm facing against anymore. although i think i know the origin is close. like really close.

today was tiring but still fun (: i realise i'll never lose my craving for japanese food, and if i do one day, please deem me crazy for that very fact.

and the dog who likes me but yet barks and shivers at the sight of me, you deserve some rest ba.

mooncake festival's around the corner, and it's time to get some bakerzin snow skin moooncakes (: take care people (:

package status : in transit

was a rather pleasant day at the IRO office. in some ways, i'd have loved to work there, the admin there is just so efficient! (: and ya, the people there are really warm too, kinda makes me smile after submitting my overseas application.

so yea, maybe this application process is tiring, but everyone's trying their best with their utmost sincerity to make it happen. that, by itself, makes me extremely happy without having to go for exchange.

of course, the best is if my exchange is guaranteed of course. it wouldn't be the office's fault if i didn't get it but ya, i just hope i get it ba.

pray for me within the next 6-8 weeks! (:

and of course, course matching! argh.

now back to fluid mechanics. the disgusting equations are really driving me nuts.

10 important items to surviving alone

1. water!
of course! like erm, you still need water whether you're alone or not! haha!

2. food!
ditto the first point

3. air!
HAHA okay i shall go on to the main stuff

4. lotsa money
to buy point 1 and 2, and other miscellaneous items

5. lotsa paper
to pen down your daily thoughts, to do your budgeting and of course, it's more important to have a

6. pen (many would be good, in all different colors)!
how to pen down without pen! make your life beautiful with the abundance of colors!

7. cellphone
which is important to make some calls to friends in times of boredom. or just to read through funny old sms-es which will make you smile no matter what. or at least i do haha!

8. laptop
ESSENTIAL. basically your source of information. maybe even your source of food and water. to access facebook and spy at other people's profile, or just to spy on people's blogs like what you're doing now haha! you can also hold your family's and friend's photos on the desktop, or maybe a nice screensaver to make you nostalgic, or maybe even shape a dartboard with their faces on it just to relieve stress. i mean, they wouldn't know unless you tell them right? haha! skype/msn, you name it, we have it.

9. a camera
not to take shots of yourself! but of others! be it strangers or your favorite lecturer. or maybe that random student who likes to dig his nose in the middle of the class while trying to conceal it. basically, the bits and pieces of what makes your life more interesting now.

10. your sanity
this is of utmost importance. juggling with everything isn't easy, especially when you're alone. but well, we're always on the line/msn/skype/handphone, so do feel free to drop us a line. if you have some spare cash, i'm sure a sponsored travel ticket to your destination would be good too. but ya, our sanity comes from your sanity, so please retain it for us to retain ours!

like what i'm trying to do now at 2.48am. i just finished reading through fluids. READING THROUGH, not doing, which is like a no go.

i'm going to release, and then head to bed. simple.

take care! i have a feeling my counter will jump at approximately 7am GMT +8.00. hahaha

1 hour

okay. apparently the course matching didn't go as i planned, so looks like i'd have to wait till next week. which officially is a headache because i need to submit my documents in by tomorrow.

tonight would be a mad rush, i tell you. like seriously.

anyway i'm off to investiture! i dunno if they'll be facebook pics but yea, hopefully they'll be of us looking good (i suppose haha!)

nostalgia

it is described as a sentimental longing or wistful attraction for the past, typically for a period or place with happy personal associations.

this word is actually derived from Greek actually. nostosalgos. which translates to "return home" (nostos) and "pain" (algos). quite the interesting thought.

in short, nostalgia came from the word "homesick".

quite a funny connotation isn't it? how words are interrelated.

and how people are related too.

so no matter where you are, whatever you do, we're still related to each other. it's not a promise or anything, rather, a bond that you'll never be able to get rid off overnight (:

today is a wet rainy day, but i'm feeling as fit as a fiddle (:

if i were to say

medical checkup. ohmytian. i hope they don't spot anything serious. if not, well, things are more or less in place.

that would mean that my studies will have to go a notch up again. waah. tt's a real headache.

i can finally walk the talk now. haha (:

meanwhile, i dunno how many times i've said this alr, but yep i miss you! to know that you've been popping by everyday without even having to check, is a blessing in disguise (:

random wednesday. part 2? (:

officially tired

*yawns*

i am officially tired. and i'm not feeling any better.

i'm sure last night i had more sleep than the other nights, but that extra sleep somehow deemed me incapable of hanging on during my usual lectures. and on top of that i just took a 2hr 30min nap unknowingly. is this a sign?

sleep wars episode 5 : the sleep debt strikes back!

*yawns*

the good thing is i finally managed to meet a friend for dinner after 2 weeks of postponed appointments. the bad thing is my exchange is neither here nor there. i spoke to my prof while he was happily helping me with the recommendation. thankfully it's done, now for my essays *sigh*

a random thought. i think i just found out that the "O" in kopi "O" was originally pronounced as "orh" which stands for black in hokkien. and seems like all your kaya toast and half-boiled eggs evolved from singapore as well. can you imagine people around the world saying "i'd like to have 2 eggs, singapore style! yea brudder!"

okay ignore me i'm really tired. hahaha now to accounting!

time and time again

i'm currently in the library and awaiting for that invitation to discuss about my plans for the states. it's quite worrying, to say the least, because there's just so many things to plan, and at the same time, an equal number of uncertainties. currently, i'm in quite a mess if you ask me, but i shall continue to hold my sanity.

maybe it's at times like these when you're thrown into your thresholds, you start querying your own system about what you believe is right and best. and at times like this you start to question every little detail and intricacy that might lead to failure. with all these questions and doubts, and the numerous permutations to completion, it's hard to predict when the next card will fall. and how will it fall.

sitting on the fence is indeed painful. but sitting on it and not knowing whether you're even on the right fence, is a totally different issue altogether.

another level.

i'm 9.26am in the morning and i find myself compelled to type something. i have no idea what, but i shall just go with the flow.

not that nothing interesting has happened in my life, but yea, that's the general statement. well, i got the news on monday, which was totally unexpected. tuesday was spent trying to absorb my work, and wednesday was a bit frantic with accounting.

so what's going to happen today? i wonder. there must be some anomaly that must happen. please let it be today!

i mean, my life by itself isn't mundane. i have enough friends around and random people to stare into the sky with, but it has somehow come full circle.

however, someone said this to me. "when there are colorful moments, there are also dull times. if not, how will it emphasize the colorful moments and let me know they are colorful?"

i totally agree. how apt. so maybe, i should stop complaining about having a boring life. it's not boring per se, but it's just constant. and i'm quite numb to everything. still, i hope my colorful moment comes soon!

meanwhile i really need to go shopping for a tie to match that purple shirt. the pocketless shirt which got me laughed at in their compound. but it's nice, and money well spent.

"take a piece of wood in the form of a circular disk, and put it on a pencil touching the centre of the disk. when we start to put marbles on it and rotate, it's fine. as long as the forces balance out, we can still comfortably balance 2-3 marbles at one go. however, when different sized marbles are added and rotated, it is so much harder to maintain this equilibrium. as we constantly try to find this new equlibrium, our disk becomes statically unstable. and sooner or later, if we do not remove those marbles, the pencil tip will break. if that happens, we can't balance any marbles anymore."

accrued benefits.

it's wednesday already. yep now that both results are already out, i can finally put my mind to ease and focus on my schoolwork. technically speaking. oh wells.

it's just going to get more hectic isn't it? but ya, it's a cycle that i'm somewhat used to. although this time round, it seems like everything's make or break. it's a bit worrying but ya, i shall try to put in my best.

when you really don't have time to breathe, it's really hard to catch your breath. and when you don't, and things pour in, it's just terrible.

i shall take a deep breath.

*pants*

it'll be alright. everything will be alright.

maybe at the end of the day, i'll realise it isn't that bad after all. that being said, i'm really looking forward to exchange. it'd be a break i've been looking for. a long break, if i might add.

oh wells. time to sleep.

i miss that exuberance. really. *sobs*

tag entry closed.

the entries for posting on the tagboard has officially closed. thank you for your contributions mysterious person and sara smith.

i got both (:

but how do i treat the same person! ESPECIALLY IF THAT PERSON IS IN THE STATES! HAHA! i miss you!

*screams*

it's monday again. feels like a never ending cycle, but when i start looking at my calendar, it's already mid september. after checking out my individual courses, i'm pretty darn sure that outta the 11 NTU courses, i might be able to take 5. so oh wells, let's see how it goes.

that's excluding electives, so yea. most prob i'll be flying to the states (:

which reminds me of yesterday. flying through the air at 200km/h, one being upwards and the other being downwards is just awesome. it was hard to scream, yes, and looking back at the video i know i've done it already. thanks to 1 cousin haha! happy birthday again bro.

somehow most of my relatives knew abt me flying before i even knew they knew. wonder why.

but ya. it's time to get back to serious work. whatever serious work means haha!

actually at this point of time, i don't feel inadequate with my life. i mean, there's just so many things that have been happening around me, and i think i've been caught in between most of them. i know of at least 3 friends flying to the states, and others elsewhere. however, there still seems to be a part lacking that prevents me from being comfortable. i'm not going to ask for any grand master plan, nor am i going to say that it'll surely be this way for time to come, but it's hard to accept some things which are beyond my control.

is it too hard for me that i'm giving up? or is there another reason?

maybe it's too hard to give up. maybe there is another reason.

whatever it is, i don't have time to consider at this moment.

thinking

*the song was played. every string was plucked with uncanny perfection, and this harmony was painted with vibrant colors. as these notes stream through the stagnant air, and entering her sensitive eardrums, her eyes were awash with the portrait of self deceit. every stanza entailed a different story, and with each crescendo came a tear.

the muse stood there in disbelief. "how could something so melodious bring such anxiety and agony? has thee been trapped in oblivion for something so obvious?" she walked closer to the soloist who was seemingly self absorbed with his music. the size of a normal human, and nothing spectacular with his appearance. smiling to this song, he continued plucking ferociously, as if music would have gone extinct the second after.

soon, she understood, that within every smile in his facade, lay a tearful story of her he never told.*

preparing for purdue.

well, it's the second day and yea, i think i'm still feeling pretty happy over the whole thing. the whole night did take a toll on me though. what i really want, and how things are going to happen after this. i'm scared lar, to be honest. despite it being still a good 4 months away, i'm still worried.

i can see why you, at that juncture, was mixed. feelings all over the place, and the uncertainties that you'll face over there. still, you tried to keep it together (which i must say you did really well) and flew off to the states.

i'm really worried. but i guess i shouldn't be. and i know some things just can't be done without breaking your own personal barrier.

and since you've done it, i shall just follow in your footsteps. at least i guess i know even though i'll be alone in purdue, i wouldn't be alone in the states.

and i'm already starting to miss people. omg.

warm n' fuzzy in the rain.

today i found out a very interesting fact which totally made me happy. it was a very random thing, and i was just checking out certain stuff pertaining to this place and OMG. hahahahahaha.

totally made my day (:

either way, it's raining here in singapore. why do i say "singapore" in such a third person tone is because of the reason above, and on top of that...*drum rolls*

I GOT INSTEP! WOOSHA!

hahahahaha. really excited right now, but i'm just worried abt course matching. altho ppl say purdue is pretty good for engineering stuff especially my course, hopefully i'll be able to match them cuz they're quite specialised.

that being said. i should start my countdown now. i miss my parents suddenly. for one i'm going to cambodia from 16-29 dec alr. if i'm flying off on the 1st or 2nd, tt means i'll only spend like 3-4 days with them *sobs*

i miss you lots! (i bet you must be smiling to yourself now right! haha!)

dissolving.

it's week 5 alr! omgomgomg! so fast! and the best part is that i'm nowhere near the standard which i suppose i should be haha! at least this weekend at home allows me time to mug and catch up with (at least one of) my subjects. thankfully.

*phew*

"well, it's a bit far for me, but i guess i'll take that step to reach out once again. maybe it's supposed to be like this after all. and maybe when we start staring at our past, things that were written in the stars were only supposed to be fairy tales."

pray for me people. two things that might really make or break me happening next week. i'm hopeful at least one comes true (:

please please please.

if both come true, i'll give a treat to the ppl who comment on my tagboard from today onwards till friday! i promise! (:

the morning wake

a really tiring week. totally. i need my time back to grasp some of the stuff which i feel are so dear to me. total of 19 hours of sleep for 4 days.*gasp*

it's quite bad i suppose. hopefully tonight would be better.

cloudy, smoky and whatnots. i think that explains simply my current condition.