when buckling is imminent.

i decided to take some time off this thursday morning to just sit down, and type a comfy blog post. it's been quite a while since i've done this, and in between were two random wednesday notes, so i guess it wasn't too bad (: either way, things have been speeding up and having time to breathe is like a luxury, but i guess you're sick of hearing that from me right? let's move on to some interesting stuff (:

for those people who knew, yep i passed my driving test yesterday! was pretty fun lar, although there were some minor errors, it was still way within the margin of safety so yep. if there's anyone out there kind enough to sponsor me a car to drive you around, i'd be more than willing to haha!

over the past few weeks, i've gotten closer to another group of people. i suppose that could be good, but it's pretty much a double edged sword for me, as i'll be heading over to the states and this would probably mean a restart. kind of nerve wrecking to be honest, and yes, i'm still human. these issues are rife but ya, rife enough to make me wonder and ponder. and worry. it's unlike me to just sit there and hope that nothing happens.

as i was telling mich, i know things would change. it's going to be 5 months, and no matter how you look at it, the way you communicate would be different. the things you see, the people you mix with, will inevitably affect your life, and i guess i'm ready for that change. however, i guess it's like a scratch card, you'll never know what you'll get as the card gets covered over time. everyone gives you a card at the end of your hiatus, and you start to pray that things turn out fine.

but i guess in this sense, this test of friendship might prove to be something too interesting for me to miss. it puts closeness to the test, and yes i guess i might find out some horrendous truth that i've been absorbing as fact till date. then again, this closure might open the door to the people who care for me more, and the ones that genuinely want to be there.

oh wells. i've submitted my accommodation application, now just hoping that i get it without problems. and yep, i know i'm not going alone at least (:

okay. shall go make a small bowl of campbell, eat my breakfast, and head for tech comm. that issue has been a legacy already, but heck, it was really funny nonetheless.

meanwhile, it'll be hard to find me for anything for the next two weeks. oh other than dinner (: WINGS. take care!

awakened.

for some reason, the dream of forgetting to do homework is a nightmare that will one way or another, wake you up despite your reluctance. thankfully.

well, i've been asleep since 8.20 while watching some chinese variety show, woke up from that 1 hour nap, and then headed into the bedroom shouting "WAAAH" before crashing into my mattress. well, i know i did "WAAAH" and i was still semiconscious while doing that, but i have no idea why i did that. probably the thought of the sound effect felt much better than landing with "thud". either way, the dream that i haven't done my tech comm presentation woke me up, even though i have more imperative things to do.

still, i'm glad i'm awake.

yesterday was one of the weirdest days i've every experienced. guess anomalies do happen once in a while. first, it rained like cats and dogs before my lab, which wasn't really abnormal but probably a different start. kinda proves my point to mesy that it always rains on either thursday night or frieday, never once has it gone dry. well, that's besides the point. next, we managed to finish lab half an hour earlier than the original time, which was rare considering how tough the labs usually were. and then i guess everything started going wrong from there.

we were discussing about macdonalds breakfast before that, because we realised our lab would end early and we were pretty darn hungry as well. truth to be, my lab ended at 12pm instead of 12.30, which officially ended our hopes of getting nice warm hotcakes. well, we still went there after discussing about the fries and everything else, so four of us sat down (me, raun, his friend which to now i can't remember the name, and wai kuan). raun was sitting directly beside be, and he mentioned he needed more chili but his hands were dirty. well, it'll be a natural cue for me to help right? i tore the packet, and squeeze it in the direction of his mc-spicy box. for that moment, i swear newton and bernoulli were mocking me.

remember newton had this gravity thing, where the apple fell on his head while he was sitting under the tree? for that split second, the chili sauce did not land perpendicularly to the mc-spicy box. what's worse, it went backward! so the next suspect i'll bring up here is bernoulli. WHATEVER HAPPENED TO A FLOW FULL OF LOSSES! for that instant, i saw a perfect stream of chili sauce shooting backwards to my friend's t-shirt, and all i can do was to watch that moment in slow mo over, and over, and over again. i was totally shocked. he was totally shocked too.

proves murphy's laws anyway. "Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong." like totally wrong. and somemore, he was wearing a white shirt. i think i apologised like close to 40-50 times within that span of 5 minutes but i was laughing for a full 5 minutes due to my err. he was totally stunned too tho while my other friends were laughing as well. totally screwed.

hai.

well, i think i've gotten closer to any group of aero people, which yea, makes my studying habits much better on friday. went for maths 3 lectures with them before heading to fluids lecture. well, being me, i'll start multitasking again. and this time round, something happened, which i thought was totally stunning. for those of you who have watched VMA (video music awards 2009), you'd have known about the kanye west conspiracy during taylor swift's prize presentation. what happened was the during taylor's receipt, he came out and grabbed her mic, saying that he think taylor's great, but beyonce had the best video ever. ever!!

okay here's the link to the video. i just watched it too but personally, i thought ya it wasn't the best stint, because honestly speaking, taylor swift still rocks my socks. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1z8gCZ7zpsQ

and what happened was this girl who had beyonce looking skin, walked in with a mic, and did the same thing. THE EXACT SAME THING KANYE WEST DID! IN THE MIDDLE OF A FREAKIN LECTURE! while we were all totally stunned.

girl : *walks into the room from the side*
lecturer : *huh?*
girl : *asks lecturer* do you have any comments about the video?
lecturer : *still stunned* "what is this...."
girl : beyonce had the best video ever, EVER!!
lecturer : *!!!...???*
girl : *walks out of the room*
LT1 : *mumbles and stutters, with claps and cheers*
lecturer : "well it's still okay, it doesn't happen everyday" *continues to stutter for the next few sentences* *fans himself with a book*

hahaha but it was totally hilarious. i guess we all woke up at the moment. it's those kinda moments where you can tell your friends "waah did you remember that time when she stepped in?" kinda thing. but yea.

and 12 people doing one thing is just plain crazy. although it helps.

went back, and yea, it was normal from then. i suppose. haha.

well, this week's going to be tiring. but i'll hang in there.

Bourgeois Shangri-La!

oh my tian. for someone who hasn't stepped in for ages, it feels kinda nice to just dance your socks off for once. a total random company, but ya you better be grateful k? either way it's time to move on already, and you better. yepyep.

anyhow, i still stand by my values. there's just so much i can do, but that's that. i'm still chasing my own dreams and walking the path i chose, and i'm not going to change the fact that it's me. there's no hiding it, and i think it's only fair if i face the world with the same face.

to that certain person who bet whether i'll do it, it's not now, but definitely soon. my time's coming to an end. i've confirmed my acceptance! (:

believe. for once.

"it's okay, it's alright now
you can let go of your inhibitions, and let loose
release all your tears of fears
because you are safe now

uncertain you are of your future
but there's no reason to despair
neither of us has a definite place we belong
and yet we continue yearning

because the world's so big
you'll be able to find a place to hide
for once, be true to yourself
and feel what you always wanted to feel

as we depart from this shelter
we find a different direction and continue walking
following the footsteps like there's no tomorrow
and feeling reborn

maybe then, we can create miracles
and our failures might have been meant to be
as we realise something bigger that we know
we only encounter once

with our bare hands, we will shape the world
in our own perceptions, and without censors
believing in ourselves, and believing in us
you're not walking alone anymore"

dreamscape.

yays! today's mooncake festival, or mid-autumn for those people who are really particular about language. and yes, it's been a rather hectic week, as usual. recess week's just simply a version of university life busy-ness, just that you're not in school. so yea, it's been really somewhat more tiring. i have been taking more day naps here and there, or maybe that's the result of the sleep debt i've accumulated. just like the 2 hour nap i took 2 hours ago after mid-autumn celebrations.

that aside, maybe it's at times when you're absurdly tired where weird dreams start spewing out. it feels rather surreal when reality separates itself from your dreams, yet your dream feels real at the same time. the strength of feelings, and somehow it feels as though you're living a separate life. one that i seem to have lived before. basically, it's a continuation of previous dreams, which is kinda scary because you don't regularly see the same scene play out time after time.

i guess it does sound out some concerns that i have at the moment. it more than covers what i feel for at the moment.

but maybe there's more than that. imagine if all our dreams are being controlled for a certain purpose, and that realization would allow us to enter a different stage of our lives. is this a transition? i don't know. frankly, i don't know where i'm standing on right now. i'm not too sure if i'm grabbing on a string, or waiting to grab onto a string.

i don't know where i'm headed, nor do i feel strongly for anything now. does this mean that this need is pointless? i don't know either.

one thing though. i'm feeling really strongly for that need. *gasp*

maybe it's just this emo day, after a lotta mooncakes, a short singing session, and the completion of driving. now i'm just waiting for my test. *phew*

i found myself sitting at clarke quay today, wondering how it was like in the past. the same steps that i sat on was littered with reflections of close friends and cousins, but when all these scenes play out together, you'll start to realise that this picture has always been lacking something.

always. never once had those steps held that hope.